tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71357659112060834302024-03-13T21:13:39.933+08:00Whisper Of ThoughtsMeryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.comBlogger227125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-2161414404583333792013-03-26T03:03:00.002+08:002013-03-26T03:14:39.405+08:00The Next Phase of LifeFirstly, let me explain myself on my disappearance for close to two months. I was all too tied up with family affairs. And by that means I was keeping myself busy with the arrival of baby Xavier. Yes, that's my sweet little baby nephew. I have been helping out in running errands for the family and always be on the standby for any assistance needed. And when I found myself some free time, I fully utilize it to hit the gym and sweat off some calories that I have massively consumed during the celebration of Chinese New Year and even way before that. Returning to the gym makes me feel so much comfortable and somehow it helps to enlighten my mood every time. And when I still have some free time or when I am not hitting the gym, I would visit my friends or arrange some catch up sessions with them. As I treasure good friendships really well, I want to be able to get updated with their latest happenings in life, be it good or bad. At least, they would know that I am always there for them even if I could not meet them as regular as I used to. =]<br />
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Secondly, I have successfully completed my studies and that I will be graduating next month! =]<br />
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All my worries are now gone. And I am all happy and excited, anticipating the convocation which will be held next month. I am even making plans for the photography session and the family portraits that I have been dreaming of all these years. It is finally a dream come true. And I am really glad that I did not let my parents down. I am very grateful for all their supports, both financially and mentally throughout all these years. Especially my mummy dearest who have not only encouraged me and comforted me when I was faced with difficulties, but also patiently listens to all my whining and complaints about anything and everything. I can't thank her enough for everything she has ever done for me. =]<br />
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Thirdly, I have finally made a firm decision on what is really best for me. And I find it working perfectly fine after close to a month. I find myself even happier now and that I have so much freedom to do whatever that makes me really happy. I have all the time in the world to improve myself in every ways. I have the chance to learn to be even much more independent every single day. I came to know how great it is to be loved by family and friends and how much joy I felt by spending time with them. But most importantly, I am truly happy for I have now learnt to love myself much better than I did before. Like what most people have told me, one must know how to love herself or himself before loving others. And now I know that there are indeed so much in life that have yet to be offered. Now is the perfect moment for me to discover all the exciting great experiences in life, with a balanced, healthy and positive mindset that I am living with, every single day.<br />
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So, after two months of resting from studies and work, perhaps it is time for job hunting and get ready to proceed to the next phase of my life. Although I must admit that the uncertainties may somehow create fear within me, but I am sure that there will be many great and valuable experiences awaiting in the future ahead. I am anxious for the learnings that are yet to come. =]<br />
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<br />Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-74018248583791605072013-02-08T03:16:00.000+08:002013-02-08T03:43:00.313+08:00Happiness ProjectThe stress has finally over. Last paper for my finals has completed. This marks the end of my uni life *fingers crossed*. The worry continues, for I have not known my results yet. For the mean time, just got to keep calm and enjoy the Chinese New Year celebration with dearest family and friends. Its going to be a memorable and exciting CNY for sure. We will be welcoming our little guy, my baby nephew in a week's time! I am now one generation older. Moreover, I have already gotten my biggest angpao for this year too! A great start of the snake year for me indeed. =]<br />
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And well, everything seems to be great now. Many things have changed. For the better of course. =]<br />
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It is true that when you start doing things differently, you will achieve different results. To date, my happiness project is working perfectly. At the start, I thought its just another silly thing I have created to get myself feeling better in a way. But as time goes by, I do feel the changes in me. It is not something that can be achieved in a day or two. Changes takes time, especially when it involves switching the mindset. Not to forget, it works alongside with determination too. Everything that bothers me or tears me down, I am taking it as a challenge for me to accept and start looking it from another perspective. In another words, turning all the negatives into positives. Its just the half cup empty and half cup full philosophy. Day by day, I am really getting better at it. =]<br />
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For instance, instead of asking 'Why me?', I asked myself the question 'What can I do?'. Sometimes, it really is about asking the right question. And I tend to avoid the phrase 'What if'. Afterall, if things had happened, what's the use of asking 'what if', it wouldn't bring any changes as you can't turn back time. Instead, find solutions to make things better. And if things have yet to happened, then why wasting time asking 'what if'? Make up your mind, and just go for it. Nobody is perfect. People make mistakes. Not always people can get things right at the first attempt. It is the law of nature and that is how we learn and grow and be wiser.<br />
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And for I am now able to see and handle things differently and positively, I start to appreciate life and everything that revolves around me. And I do hope that I could make little contributions and create meaningful impacts on others as long as I live. Thus, I am now looking at volunteering for a good cause. I shall see what I can do. =]<br />
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<br />Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-15443833905785568672013-01-22T01:11:00.002+08:002013-01-22T02:25:48.649+08:00Hello 2013!Thesis is finally done! I did the impossible and proved my supervisor wrong. I do take full responsibility of my procrastination, which resulted in a very last minute work. Although I might have been busy juggling with jobs, assignments, exams and the uncountable trips to the hospital in the previous months, I still took my one month of work-free time to do nothing. Not until I sensed the pressure in the last week of submission. I have felt so much regret in me for not utilizing all those time I had into getting my work done. This resulted in sleepless nights, overloaded stress, skin breakouts, dark eye circles, weight gain for not having time to work out and lots of Starbucks Frappe intake in close to 2 weeks. These are nothing but negative effects.<br />
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And what did I proved my supervisor you may asked? Well, I managed to complete it in 3 weeks times. Yea, I did lots of journal readings in 2 weeks and only started typing, gathering data and analyzing everything in the last week. My supervisor thinks that its pretty impossible for me to rush it through. And seriously, I really am not at all proud of myself for being able to complete a last minute work. I complete it, for the sake of completing it in order to graduate. I have no idea if what i did was right. I seek high and low for help and assistance from my dear friends in which I am very thankful and grateful for their kindness to offer me guidance along the way. Some, have even supported me mentally by showing their concern the entire time of completion. Thank you very much. =]<br />
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I do love my topic. But unfortunately, its not a work that I would even think its good to be submitted at the first place. The thing I'm trying to point here is that, nothing is impossible. You can achieve what you want if you really work hard on it and give your one hundred percent. However, the quality of the result relies on the time and effort which you have invested. And the lesson I have learnt here is to never ever wait till the very last minute. What is the point if I could complete everything but I am not even satisfied with it? There is no meaning to it anymore. A lesson which I have learnt, and never will I repeat the same mistake again.<br />
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I am going to take this chance to thank everyone who have helped me to complete my research in these few weeks. Those who have spared their time to answer my questionnaires, those who took the trouble to share it with their friends and those who have taught me how to do and what to do, those who have contributed their ideas. Thank you very much and I would have never been able to complete this research without you people. =]<br />
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So now both thesis is submitted and presentation is done today, I do hope that I will be able to pass and graduate in time. That is all I'm asking for.<br />
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With that said, I am now moving on to the preparation of my final subject's examination which will be on the 5th February. Its just another 2 weeks to go and I shall not repeat the same mistake again. Once its done, I will then be able to anticipate the celebration of Chinese New Year with family and friends, before the birth of my little nephew. Yes, there will be a new addition to the Chan's family! I can't wait to see this beautiful baby boy! =p<br />
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Apart from focusing on the finals, its time to live up and restructure my lifestyle to achieve my resolutions made for this year. More of health-focused, family-oriented and productive year for me! Starting off with working out again, and more readings that will expand my knowledge in various fields. Its going to be a great year! =]<br />
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Helloooo 2013! =D<br />
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<br />Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-42451178885205752952012-12-16T13:44:00.000+08:002012-12-16T13:51:37.304+08:00Current State of MindSometimes, there is always this thought of moving out from the house and live somewhere else where I might be able to just find peace and not having the risks of getting my day spoiled the moment I woke up every morning. It seems like this thought has emerged more often lately. At times, I just felt so heartache when the anger arise but is forced to bury it deep inside my heart, just so that I wouldn't utter a word that hurts anyone's feelings. As I was told, everyone has a choice to decide what's best for them, but there's exceptional where you are just not given any choices. And so, here am I, stuck in this situation, hoping that the moment I opened my eyes each morning, it will be a great day for me.<br />
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Hence, this pretty much explains the reason why I'm always so stressed up. The need for me to move from my current ground is overwhelming. So much so, it tires me down so quick and when my hope and plans for the future crushed lately, I got into depression and felt so lost that I didn't know what's best for me anymore. Someone who knew me well enough even realized and told me that my life has seems to be really saddening that one unfortunate event often leads to another. There's time that I thought everything's gonna be back to positive or normal, but there goes another bump along the way.<br />
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Yet, after each and every fall, I'm still here trying my best to get my feet up on the ground again. I've always believed, I deserve to whine and cry over the pain, but only for a short period of time and then I'll need to move on and make things better again. Nobody could hold on and suppress their sorrow within themselves for a long period of time. It got to be released once in a while. Truth is, nobody would be able to pick you up but yourself. Others who care will always be there to encourage and motivate, and I am grateful as always.<br />
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And lately, I always have a mixed feelings. There are things that I knew I should do, but I did not. There are also things that I knew I shouldn't do but yet, I still did it. Its just like what others said, the heart does not agree with the mind. Feelings over rationality. The problem with me is that I care too much of one's feelings, eventhough I realized its not worth to be cared for. Hence, the struggles within myself, to hope and yet trying my best not to. Or even, to go for it and yet trying not to. Or perhaps, trying really hard, but knowing the fact that its not working. And all this, causes frustration in the end.<br />
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Maybe, just maybe, one day I will get so exhausted and over all these frustrations and confusions, and I will then be able to move on into a better phrase of life, with a happier state of mind.<br />
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I will find myself again, and I do pray for others who are equally lost and in the midst of searching or rediscovering themselves again. =]<br />
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I'm still working hard on the happiness project of course. =]<br />
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<br />Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-49411516113702590932012-11-27T03:11:00.000+08:002012-11-27T03:21:09.809+08:00Food PoisoningI have successfully survived my food poisoning experience yesterday. It was a horrible weekend. Started off with pain in the stomach, which I thought it was a gastric pain initially and slowly it developed nausea. The entire Saturday night I couldn't get a good night sleep, as I kept waking up every hour with the thought of getting to the toilet to puke. As I was too tired, I forced myself to go to bed till the next morning, I couldn't stand it anymore. I rushed to the toilet to puke and once I was done, I got back to the bed and continued sleeping. And later in the afternoon, there came diarrhea. So, it was confirmed that I was suffering from food poisoning. I got so exhausted and down with massive headache and bodyache for the entire Sunday. I was basically bedridden, sleeping the entire day.<br />
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So, what I had the night before which caused me food poisoning? I suspected the 'Baked Fish Fillet' from The Ship. It was a dory fish, topped with baked cheese, and it was watery. Seriously, fish that is watery. And it doesn't even taste good. Its plain and tasteless. I didn't realize it till mom questioned me what I had the night before and when I told her bout the fish, she asked 'Don't you think that the fish is not fresh when its watery?'. Yeah, I was clueless till I had all this puking going on. And it was just too late to realize by then. Hence, I'm banning this dish from The Ship from now onwards. In fact, I'm banning myself from fish for a long period of time. I am a fish lover. And due to this incident, I'm seriously refraining myself from fish till I'm ready or feel comfortable to have fish again. Every time I think of fish, I still feel like puking. Although to be honest, I am not completely sure it was the fish, but high chances, it is, coz that was the only thing I had that seemed funny that day.<br />
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Anyway, after a super sick day, I got medicines from a friend, and thanks to her, I slowly recover from it. The medicines work perfectly, and today itself, I'm feeling much better. I don't feel lethargic, no more bodyaches and no more massive headaches. Everything is back to normal. Perhaps, just a little itsy bitsy of uncomfortable feeling in the stomach. I still get a little bit tired, but at least I could stand and walk straight again. Also, I'm grateful to have someone who would care for me the entire time I was sick. Thank you for getting the medicines for me, buying me lots of breads and keeping me company till I fell asleep. I really appreciate it. =]<br />
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Let's hope its gonna be a productive week for me. Finish up my book that I have started reading since Friday and perhaps, getting my FYP sorted out on the topic and getting the necessary journals for perusal. Of course, filling up some time for badminton or running. =]<br />
<br />Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-22537007935972516432012-11-21T01:12:00.001+08:002012-11-21T01:13:03.168+08:00ChoicesKnowing how happy one of my friend is, got me into thinking how a relationship could bring one's happiness.<br />
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I guess one of the key is to have common interest. Or perhaps, doing interesting things together. Things or activities which may require interactions, or teamwork. When there's teamwork involved, it helps to improve communication, tolerance, patience and whole lot more between each other. Adventurous activities like hiking and camping could do more fun and at the same time, offering a sense of accomplishment by the end of the activity is a bonus (no doubt, it is tiring too). When the typical dinner dates and movie dates can no longer offer the sparks needed, it indicates the time to move on to activities that requires interactions. Never let things become a boring and dull routine is important, which in most cases, would kill off a relationship after a few years. The thought of having someone already in his or her life often make oneself to take things for granted. So much so, promises started to be broken and words became just merely words. Everything are often decided based on the 'mood' itself. If the mood isn't there after everything has been planned, things can just be cancelled off or postponed or even re-postponed for countless of times till you just get so fed up of it and decided to just forget bout the entire plan. And sooner or later, you found that the whole relationship has became meaningless.</div>
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Hence, lots of efforts are still needed regardless of how many years the relationship has been. Once in a while, its great to remember things that brought both together, to remind each other the very core reason why both fell for each other at the very first place. For as time goes by, people just tend to adapt, grow and change along the years. However, still it takes two hands to clap. There's no point too if there's only one who would put in so much efforts and the other doesn't. By the end of the day, one would just get so fed up and decided that there's no reason to stay anymore. And when the other realized it, it may be all too late and there's nothing can be done to save the relationship. </div>
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Anyway, after 9 years, its time for me to just really stop and take a break. After all the disappointments, heartaches, unpredictable circumstances, I know what I really needed is just some time alone to rediscover myself. I guess I have been letting everyone and everything around me to shape me into who I am now in the recent years. And along the way, I've just lost myself, bits by bits. What is worse, is when there's so much uncertainties right ahead of me now, hoping that each and every decisions I made will be of the best for me in the near future. Hoping that some trade-offs made is of worth both now and later.<br />
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Well, afterall, if it is to be, its up to me. A saying that I've learnt from a wise man. =]<br />
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Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-43154198405625157912012-11-18T04:48:00.002+08:002012-11-27T03:51:43.692+08:00IndependentSo, bro has finally and officially out from the house. Although the initial plans were to move out together, but I guess, there are just times where things will not be able to fall into places as planned. Still, I'm glad that he's out, and I really do hope he'll have a great time, building his very own family. As for me, I'm just gonna enjoy my 'alone' time in the room tonight. After more than 22 years, I'm finally staying in a single room all by myself. LOL. But yet, I do miss the presence of him in the room. In this room, we fought, we had heart-to-heart talk, we laughed, we cried together. The thought of not being able to talk to him or tease him the moment I come home after a busy day kinda sucks. Owh well, I will get used to it soon. After all, I guess I can just crash at his place if I wanted to. =p I'm still anticipating the Cluedo or Monopoly night.<br />
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And now, Ruby is entirely taken care by me. Have to really make some time to accompany this little girl and bring her to the park more often in the weekends. In return, she will keep me company every night when I go to bed. =] Just got to make sure that I feed her the vitamins daily and keep her clean all the time.<br />
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So, there's this thing that somehow bothers me for quite some time now. And it just tends to get even more annoying to me. There's nothing much that I can do as I can't really control one's thoughts or actions. Guess, I'll continue to stay firm with my decision, and this should also be the only way. As much as I wanted to go off for a trip all this while, I don't want it anymore, not when its you. I'm completely fed up of the whole thing. <br />
And I can say that I can really do much better all by myself. =]<br />
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Afterall, now is not the right time for anything more than myself. Gotta focus on the FYP first. And, I am now considering of changing the title into something perhaps, less common, just like how a friend of mine suggested and got me thinking about it. Gotta get it done by December. Thus, it will be a hectic month for me and I love being busy and productive. =]Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-56662040201032482222012-11-13T13:12:00.002+08:002012-11-13T13:19:18.981+08:00The TransitionJust when i thought that everything is over. There it goes, unexpectedly appeared right in front of me, after months of disappearance. Whatever it is, I do believe now that it got to really hit you hard at one point till you got so numb over it and realize that everything just needs to be put to an end. No one mentioned that things would be easy. But it is indeed through those misery and hardship that people learnt what's the best for them. So am I.<br />
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Life has indeed been pretty rocky. Juggling between so many issues that cause much frustration and restless nights. I really do appreciate those who listens to me with patience. Or even those who did not listen but did lend me the shoulders for me to cry on. Thank you. And I do feel guilty to those who worried so much bout me and have always stayed on standby just to ensure that I am safe and fine. I would never know, if you have never told me bout it. Thanks for your honesty and of course, thanks for your concern. I really do appreciate it. =]<br />
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Anyway, as usual, each time after a break down, strength and determination will be regained and issues are settled one at a time. Things will get much better as the mind is less clouded and things can be seen much clearer now. Afterall, things that shouldn't be concerned should be thrown away to a far distance and shall never be looked at. What's more important is to prioritize as always, and set up a plan to achieve what have always been desired in life, the goals.<br />
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And, I have also decided to live up to my words, keeping my promises I have once made. I will always be there to listen, if you shall ever need someone to listen to. I may not be able to read your mind and know whats your true thoughts. And it doesn't really matter if its unappreciated or like you said, that you don't feel worthy to be treated good. And it also doesn't matter if you would still listen to me if I ever needed someone to talk to and I could hit you with a pot like you have asked me to, if you ever break your promise. Lol. The truth is, I wouldn't even want to bother you with my unnecessary rantings to your already hectic and stressful life. This applies to everyone around me. One thing I know for sure is that everyone has their very own issues, and they are revealed to me as time passes by when trust are developed. And this is where I would come in, and listen and offer comfort needed. I care for everyone around me. And especially the few ones who meant a lot to me. Its a promise that I made and I will keep for as long as I can. =]<br />
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Another thing for sure is that, NOTHING will ever break the bonds and love between the darlings. You girls have become like a family and nothing tears this family apart. You girls have become my priority too. Hence, no matter how far I'm away, I would still rush my way to you girls like I've always did. =]<br />
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Owh well, whats needs to be done has been done, and what needs to be ended has been ended. Decision made is indeed the best foor both of us, I believe. And for the mean time, I'm just gonna focus on my career searching, FYP, great awesome time with the darlings, friends and anticipating the arrival of new members into my family.<br />
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Afterall, life's great for me, now! =D<br />
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And I'm still anticipating for a short trip. =]Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-87167433102503717382012-06-23T02:50:00.001+08:002012-06-23T02:50:46.312+08:00Subconscious Mind PowerI could still remember very well how today was celebrated last year. With my new bought dress specially for the dinner in Souled Out. All dressed up and looking great together. Pizzas and the long hour talk. It was such a memory.<br />
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And today, after hesitating for days, I have finally decided to just go ahead with whatever comes to my mind, knowing very well that I wouldn't want to feel any regrets. I did not bother much bout the outcome. I never expect anything in return. I just did it sincerely from the very bottom of my heart. After all, I can't control of anything. Its not that I did not want to think of any consequences from my action. I just think that I should just do what I really wanted. Afterall, life's too short to spend so much time thinking and ended up doing nothing.<br />
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I also realized today that people tend to act in a way they desire subconciously. In other words, they tend to do things that they really wanted without realizing that they really do. Complicated I know. I couldn't believe that for the first time I spent my night driving around with the hope of making myself feel better, or perhaps finding peace within myself would ended up in a place that I never thought that I will return to.<br />
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I drove circling that small little playground in front of the house where I spent my cny, seeing fire crackers burnt on the grass and the drain. Not once, but a few times, looking into the house, searching for that familiar thing that I once commented as 'so-so nice'. Unfortunately, no where to be seen. I passed by that place where I called it as a cosy place, where I always pictured of someone saying 'Would you like to have a cup of tea?'. Then I stopped at the side, trying to clear of every single thing of what I feel and left, headed home.<br />
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These are memories that has brought joy to me at a point in life. Whatever it is, it will just remain as memories. Now and always. Apart of me do feel glad that everything is moving on just fine without my existence, with great companies and friends as I can see from whatever evident to me.<br />
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And I know I would be able to do the same too. As always, I'm grateful to all my darlings and great friends who have constantly be there for me. Through my ups and downs. I seriously enjoyed the awesome trip I had with them. Hopefully, there's more to come! =]<br />
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<br />Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-50425418814387103322012-06-17T01:32:00.003+08:002012-06-17T01:33:11.043+08:00FarewellThings have finally came to an end. It is now gone for real. Sometimes, I still tend to have few questions in my mind that bothers me quite a bit. What happened to the one I knew for the first time? The one who I spent hours understanding all the history and things been through in life? The one who I respect and admire so much of the determination and sacrifices made to others? Where did this person go? How can someone I knew so much of could change completely into a person whom I barely know now? Perhaps, this may be one of the unpredictable circumstances that life has put on me. I do not intend to put any blames nor try to search answers for these questions anymore. Of course it bothers me, but I believe time would put all these behind me. Its just a matter of time, as it always is.<br />
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All that is left now is just memories. Surprisingly, I can really remember most of the things I've been through all these months. From the sad ones, to the happy ones. Perhaps, my memory isn't that bad afterall. Of course, at times, I would reminisce those happy moments, thinking how good things were before. I do felt like it was such a waste that nothing could last forever. But I know, there's always tomorrow. And there will always be better things waiting ahead of us. Thinking in a positive way, just got to put it as a God's test. Things to encounter in life in order to appreciate better things achieved in the future.<br />
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One thing for sure, I am no longer living in anger. I don't carry hatred in myself nor anyone else in my life. I still am the same person who couldn't get mad or hate someone for long in my life. Eventhough, if things happened were not supposed to be forgiven. Yes, I was mad for a certain time and then what's left is just the feeling of upset and now perhaps a sense of regret cause things did not work out like how I wished it to be from the very beginning.<br />
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I'm not angry anymore. But I just couldn't give myself a reason to start all over again when I felt like a complete stranger whom I barely know for now. Things happened, couldn't be erased from my memory. Such a huge impact towards my emotion, which I don't think that I could ever forget about it. Things will never be the same again, that's for sure. Same goes to feelings. But whatever it is, deep down inside of me, I sincerely wish that this person who were once so significant to me, will be able to find happiness, and lead a perfect life with everything that is desired of. Be it in the career, relationships, love, family, dreams and so on.<br />
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While for me, I still need to constantly work on the trust issues that I have for now, and hopefully I will be able to trust completely again. At the same time, working on my emotional balance, staying away from negative thoughts and of course, the worst thing which is the feeling of putting life to an end, which in a way is a very selfish act. Before this, I didn't understand why the feeling of doing so would have occurred to anyone, but now, I know. It is all the pain that's killing inside of you that you could barely withstand and counter with rationality. You couldn't do anything at all bout it but just dying to stop the pain at that moment itself. But whatever it is, no one should have attempted anything like this no matter how bad things are. Just got to keep holding on and believe that things will never stay that way forever. Find a tiny little strength to have faith that things will get better sooner or later. And you will be alright.<br />
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As for now, I am feeling much better. Improvements felt every single day eversince the last time I released my tension in a way that is indeed frightening to this one person in my life. But it is also through that moment I knew he really cares and sincere with a sense of guilt, which I of course had forgiven long time ago. I just got to keep going, keep trying to be positive no matter what happens. I may have become a ticking bomb after everything that I had been through in these 2 years, but I have faith that things will definitely get better as time goes by. =]<br />
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So now, all I got to do is to enjoy my last semester break in my study life, perhaps get a job in between to support my living as I always did, and strive to complete the last semester in order to graduate on time which I have planned. These are all possible, and I will achieve them, I know. =]<br />
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<br />Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-61592696267189141152012-05-16T18:51:00.000+08:002012-05-16T18:51:57.317+08:00Couldn't believe that it has been close to seven months since the last post I published here. Its such a norm to me that the urge to blog will only exist when I am in a negative state of mind. Not sure if this applies to most people or perhaps its just me alone. So what actually happened during my disappearance in this blog? I don't think I would know the right place to begin my blabbing with. So much happened. So much to remember. So much forgotten. Sometimes, I just don't know what is right anymore. I don't get how things can be so perfect at one second, and then goes totally the opposite way the next. I don't even understand my own feelings anymore. I don't know what I really desire. I don't know what I expect. Its like in a total mess. At times, I felt annoyed by how things keep playing in my mind. The only thing I could conclude from all these is that I finally had enough of everything. I have reached the state where I don't want to get any involvement in anything. I got myself so filled up with fairy tale hopes, only to find it is all just fantasies. Illusions of happiness that I will keep myself away from.<br />
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But one thing I know for sure, I want everything to stop here and then. Putting a fullstop to where I am right now and finding the courage to move on. Leaving everything behind and close the chapters that were once so significant to me. I couldn't be wasting any more of my precious time. Once in a while, I got to remind myself on life's unpredictability. One day I'm here, the other I might just be gone. I just need to stop, take a look at where I am now, and start walking again when I've set my course clear. Be sure of what I really what, and from then only will I be able to start over again. I remember I read this thing from somewhere, where it goes something like this:<br />
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'Yes, the grass may always seems greener on the other side. But only if you spend some time to water your own grass, it will appear to be as green too.'<br />
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Which I find quite amusing and of course, very true at the same time.<br />
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But well, even after everything, I can still find myself some strength to walk out from this mess and work towards what I have always wanted to achieve.<br />
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In just another 5 more months baby, 5 more months. =]<br />
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<br />Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-12933004290041488602011-10-13T23:44:00.003+08:002011-10-14T00:19:47.045+08:00Towards The End of The SemesterI am finally done with my assignments. And I've literally died from the last one. I got my butt stuck on the chair, completing the assignment for continuously 3 days. Seriously, the only time I left the working table was when I need to bathe and sleep for few hours. Even when I eat, its done while I was doing the assignment. The power of multi-tasking. =p <div><br /></div><div>I should have started the assignment at the beginning of the semester. But there's just too many stuff happened, in which the love would prefer to call it as the 'unpredictable circumstances'. Too many things to handle, too little time left to focus on everything. And yea, I had a break down. Or I shall say break down-s. Involving many other different things, besides the assignment actually. </div><div><br /></div><div>Afterall, I would love to thank my darling-s who have been a great help and were always there for me when I was in need. The amount of time and effort they have contributed on me, I deeply appreciate them. Without them, I'm seriously doom-ed. I would not be able to submit my last assignment on time. I'm seriously really happy to have these two awesome girls in my life, which I know I can always count on them when I need them. Love you girls lots, darl Yun and darl Xian! =D</div><div><br /></div><div>And I also do appreciate the love's effort to drop by and make a surprise for me when I was in the about-to-explode-stress-level. Haha. No words could describe how happy I was to see him appear on my doorstep the other night when I was so fed up of the whole assignment. A big hug from him really ease all the pain and the stress away! Thank you, love. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, I seriously couldn't believe the amount of crap I've encountered for this entire semester. There's just way too many obstacles at this very short period of time. The amount of tears I've cried, the pain I've felt deep in my heart literally killed me already. I guess these kind of pain that cant be seen by the eyes are way more deadly than the pain I felt physically. Sometimes, I just felt like my heart died a little, bit by bit. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have even reached a point where I just feel like running away from everything that I have and just look for something which may be like an inner peace thing. Something or somewhere I can go to have a peace of mind, with no worries of whatsoever that I am facing. But I realized that running away is not a good option at all. Its just a selfish act, where it may caused others to worry. </div><div><br /></div><div>Hence, I always try to stay strong, not for myself, but for people around me who I love so dearly. They are the strength for me to stand back up at where I've fallen and move on. They are the confidence for me to face whatever that may comes in the future. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>I must admit, I'm just an ordinary human with emotions. There will be times when I got so tired of being strong and I just want to let go and release all the pain I've kept inside. And when I do, I'll make sure I'll be good again right after that. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>Perhaps life does give us obstacles for a good reason, which we may realized the benefit of it in the future. Maybe in my case, is to know who are the people who I can count on in my life and who are the people who worth every single piece of my heart. =] </div><div><br /></div><div>For now, I'll just need to focus on my revision for the upcoming finals which begins next week. Then, its time to enjoy the one week holiday. =]</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-14403439554537961202011-09-17T01:03:00.002+08:002011-09-17T01:23:45.779+08:00The Perfect Little GetawayBeen really busy lately. Most of my time is occupied with the assignments. There's assignment due every Monday started from last week. Although its group assignments, still it takes a long time to complete and even more time to compile everything. Most of all, I'm already panicking for my finals next month. I have not revise anything and at the same time, I need to focus on my assignments first. Hopefully by the time I've completed all the assignments, I still have plenty of time to complete my revisions. *fingers crossed*<div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I finally got my very much needed getaway to just stay away from the hectic life and enjoy the beach without thinking bout anything else besides having a great time with the love. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>We had a trip to Cherating, Kuantan and Genting, all in just three days time. Seriously, no amount of time is enough for me to be spent with the love. Its saddening that its just a short trip, but yet I'm really happy to be able to have a little getaway even its just within a short period time. Its the lovely memories which we have created that matters and makes everything worthwhile. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, its definitely the best Mid-autumn festival celebration I've ever had. And I can't wait to look forward to our next trip which I have no idea when. But I'm pretty sure there will be one. =D</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thank you for everything, love. You know that I <3 you dearly. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>And yes, I miss those crazy, unstoppable, stomach-aching and contagious laughters that we had. =p</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-81156588397009754832011-09-03T01:06:00.002+08:002011-09-03T02:24:04.372+08:00ToleranceI am really starting to believe that there's a serious issue now. At this point, I'm starting to think if its really my problem. Too much of misunderstandings and now I'm doubting. I thought it is crucial to share all the thoughts and emotions to one another. I thought things are supposed to be spoken out to gain better understanding. I thought we could just leave our pride and listen in order to give and take. <div>
<br /></div><div>How can things ever be good if only one side is expected to be heard and accepted. How can two minds ever think alike or reach an agreement on certain things when there's so many differences in nature besides than sharing, listening and accepting each others' point-of-views instead of both trying to win. Most of all, what's the point of sharing what one's really feel when the other party already have the mindset that they are right and what they focus on are just to make the other party to agree on their very own point-of-view. Imagine a tug-of-war. Both sides trying to get each other onto their sides. Its just a never ending story and at the end of the day, its just exhausting. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>To be honest, I used to be someone who never likes to back down too. I've always wanted to get my message across, and expect the other person to accept it and just deal with it, disregard of whatever reasoning that they have given to disagree with me. Worst still, I just couldn't accept any different opinions countering to mine. Eventually, it leads to frustration and anger, both sides. How could possibly the same person always ended up being right and the other always wrong? It just doesn't make sense at all. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>At one point, I learnt the true meaning of tolerance from a wise friend of mine. Its a very simple thing, but human tend to have ego and that's the whole obstacles to that. Given the thought about it, does anger make things better? Does yelling just to make the other person agree with you works? No. It just backfires. Imagine the tug-of-war again. Instead of each side exerting all their strengths to pull one another to their sides, what about each side taking a step forward towards each others' sides? There's no need to feel exhausted coz of the pulling, and yet, both get a step forward and still reaches a balance. A win-win situation. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>The point is, all each party needs to do is to just listen, acknowledge and accept the other party's point-of-views and share their own point-of-views. Both needs to do the same thing in order to achieve the balance. Its impossible to reach that balance with only one party doing so. Its all about giving and taking. When both starts giving, both gets taking. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>Again, I admit that I'm not perfect. Sometimes, I tend to give in to my own pride and ego too. I may still stand by my own point-of-views and get carried away. It is not easy for one to let go off their image and pride, and start listening. But I always remind myself and do my best to be tolerant. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>Hence, sometimes I may be right and sometimes I may be wrong. But whatever it is, anger is just not a solution to anything. Screaming and yelling will just hurt one another and that's a fact. I never wanted to feel regret for saying anything hurtful just because I was blinded by anger. But if that's what I'm getting, perhaps, I shall just stop sharing what I really feel to avoid feeling sad or mad or hurt to both sides. There's just no point to it when things will get worse. Its just not fair to never have the chance to be heard and accepted and only expected to agree on the other side's point-of-view. </div><div>
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<br /></div><div>I'm making it a point to not shed anymore tears on things like this, ever.</div><div>
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<br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-69883723306395307072011-09-01T02:29:00.003+08:002011-09-01T03:23:30.582+08:00Those little things
<br />Its those little things that he remembers which really captures my heart. Every single detail, every single words said, every single things did, he can just remembers it so clearly. As a matter of fact, I really do enjoy listening to him, telling me all the things that we've done ever since we first met, officially. Those memories that I can replay it in my mind whenever he talks about it, it just makes me smile, effortlessly. With so, I feel appreciated and loved in every ways. =] <div>
<br /></div><div>Its also the way those pair of eyes that looked at me everytime when I'm eating, when I'm doing my things, when I'm about to sleep, when I'm asleep, when I'm lying beside him, when I'm looking back at him which really makes me feel loved too. You just know its something when he looks at you the way nobody else has ever did in the same way. =] </div><div>
<br /></div><div>Most of all, its those pair of arms which holds me from the back, that makes me feel safe and secure all the time. It provides the feeling that I can count on him no matter what happens and that he'll never abandon me whenever I'm in need. I found my comfort all the time. =]</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Although at times, we may fight on small little things, but that doesn't mean I'll love him less. Its just a way to understand each other more and with that said, I'm glad to be able to have a chance to understand him more with each fight made. =]</div><div>
<br /></div><div>I just couldn't believe I've found someone who knocks me off my feet, everytime. =]</div><div>
<br /></div><div>And yes, I finally found someone. Its creepy that we both have this same song in our minds at the same time. How can this be such a coincidence. Told you that he can read my mind somehow. =p</div><div>
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<br /></div><div>I love you, silly. <3</div><div>
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<br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-18921441493688003302011-08-23T02:56:00.006+08:002011-08-23T04:00:45.971+08:00Life Goes OnI couldn't imagine all the ups and downs, highs and lows that I've been through these few weeks. I was once told that I'm fine, and then the next thing I know, I'm not fine afterall. But there are things in life that you just couldn't runaway from but forced to accept whatever it is. I do admit it was like a slap on my face or a hard bang on the wall, I just didn't know what to do or how to react. I was in the state where I just broke down and cried my eyes out, knowing the fact that I just couldn't believe what was told. At that point, I just felt like the end of the world for me. Yea, that bad.<div>
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<br /></div><div>But as days went by, I just told myself that life still goes on no matter what happens. I wouldn't want to waste my life questioning why things happened this way, nor trying to find a blame to whatever that's happening to me. I wouldn't want to spent my days being upset nor making everyone around me worry. I need to be strong, both mentally and physically and take good care of myself to enjoy all the great things in life that I may have overlooked all these years.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>Someone once said, no one can ever tell or be so certain of their own future. They may be successful or not successful, they may live rich or poor, they may be healthy or not healthy. Nobody can predict any accidents that they may faced. Nobody can tell how long someone may live. Someone may be fine today and not the next day. Life's full of unpredictability. Hence, its best that we live our lives to the fullest, every single day. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>I know, whatever happens, I'm not alone. There are always people who loves me and be there for me all the time. And these are all I ever needed to move on in life. I just couldn't ask for more. =]</div><div>
<br /></div><div>I may not know what's going to happen to me tomorrow, but I will always appreciate everything that I have, every single day when I opened my eyes to welcome a brand new day. =]</div><div>
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<br /></div><div>P/s: No matter how difficult our journey will be in the future, I promise, I'll always do whatever it takes to overcome it. <3</div><div>
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<br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-61715186304329984392011-08-02T14:07:00.002+08:002011-08-02T15:43:03.669+08:00Life as unexpectedThings certainly may happened when you least expected it. I couldn't really imagine for the first time in my life, I reached a point where I felt so helpless. So lost without knowing what I am capable of doing anymore. All this while, I thought I could be in control of everything I wanted to do. The thought of the destiny is within my own bare hands has been plastered in my mind like forever. <div><br /></div><div>Its so weird when you have the feeling that you're not ready to leave everything behind unattended. Its weird when you feel like life has not been enough for you all these years. Its scares so much to be unknown of how things will turn out to be when you're no longer present with the ones you love. All that's in the mind was how would their lives be from then? Will they be doing great? Will they be happy? You have no idea if you can send all your messages across just in time. All you wanted was just for the time to stand still and be given a chance to complete everything before its too late. Say whatever you want to say to everyone around. Revealing every tiny bit of real feelings to everyone around. </div><div><br /></div><div>The thing is, somehow, there's this unexplainable feeling of relieved that I've encountered when my mind was totally in a mess. Apart of me felt like I will be in good hands if I'll ever be gone. The thought of my beloved grandma did enlightened me up. I miss her dearly. =] </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, it really breaks my heart so much to know that everyone around who cares bout me were dead worry of my condition. I never meant to cause them any sadness. If I could, I would want to take those worries all away, leaving nothing but happiness and fond memories of me instead. </div><div><br /></div><div>This incident has certainly reminded me of things and people that I appreciate most in my life. Knowing that everyone will always stand by me, supporting me whenever I need them. Especially family members. Mom, dad and bro who will never leave me by my side at all, working so hard to take care of me with the hope that everything will be fine every single second of my life. I just couldn't thank them enough for everything that they did for me. I really do love them from the very bottom of my heart. =] I really do pray and hope that mom will always stay happy no matter what may comes in the future. Its a promise that I will make her happy as long as I'm around with her for as long as I live. =] Also, I will need to spend more quality time or having more outing with the family from now onwards. </div><div><br /></div><div>Also, close friends and awesome friends. Putting their best efforts to comfort me time to time, convincing that everything will be great. I'm not blind to see that they were worry to death too of my condition. I know of their intention to channel the positive energy towards me by putting up a happy and 'everything will be okie' face whenever they see me. And I'm really grateful for that. It did somehow made my day each time. I do feel better all the time having them around, being face-to-face or even through simple text messages over the phone. I'm really blessed to have these good awesome friends in my life. Love you guys alot. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>*Especially darling Xin Yun, after knowing you for close to ten years. Eversince the age of 13 I guess. You've been such a caring friend to me, being with me throughout all my ups and downs in my life. All the pains, cries and laughters we've shared together are all really valuable to me. <3 *</div><div><br /></div><div>As for others, who came to visit me in the hospital, or those who sent a simple message to ask and concern bout me, or even those crazy bunch who came to kidnap me out from my house just to make me feel less like a sick patient. Thank you so much. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>Lastly, the one thing that really concerns me of is the love. At a point, I felt so much of a regret if things will just have to stop at where it is now, knowing the fact that I wasn't given much chance to understand this particular person in my life who matters a lot to me now. Deep inside, I just wanted to fulfil my own promise to provide happiness and undying care and attention to this person eversince I let him in my heart from the very beginning. At least, I will do my best for now while I still can. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>To be honest, the whole incident did create a huge impact on my life now. Its a lie if I said I don't feel a single worry at all. The fear of uncertainty. Nobody can really predict what will ever happen the very next day. But one thing I learnt, I will just need to live my life to the fullest every single day. Shouldn't let myself live with any single regrets everyday. Do things that I've always wanted to do. Achieve something in life that means alot to me or even to everyone around me. Finish my studies, graduate, get the job that I've always wanted, achieve my own little dream, providing happiness to everyone around every single day. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>Of course, apart of that, gotta take good care of my health. Eating healthy, living a healthy lifestyle. Focusing more on the positivity instead of the negativity. It will definitely be easier said than done. But, I will try my best. Just do it instead. =] </div><div><br /></div><div>At least, I know I did all I can to make the best out of my life. =D</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Lots of love to everyone in my life. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-83078514834211089932011-07-24T01:59:00.002+08:002011-07-24T02:21:09.442+08:00Clumsy MeI will not deny that I am indeed the clumsiest girl in the world. How could I not possibly notice that I dropped a stack of cards which includes my IC, license and my credit card from my wallet. Although I really do love my old and torn wallet, I just don't think I shall use it anymore. Or else, my things will just fell off from it again. And the next time, I might not be that lucky anymore.<div><br /><div>It all started with me holding my wallet and my phones instead of carrying them in my tiny lil bag like I always do. That was because I just had my badminton session which ended at 11pm and then headed to Murni SS2 with the awesome bunch. While I was happily on the phone with the love, that was when I actually dropped my cards and I could just sense something was wrong when I got home. And worst still, when I was actually on the bed, trying to get some sleep. I went down from the bed, checked my wallet and I just got panicked right away, calling all my friends to check in their cars, just in case it was fell of in the car. Unfortunately no. And Do actually told me that they saw a stack of cards on the floor in Murni and they just laughed about it coz of the picture. And yes, it was my ugly picture which was taken more than 10 years back. Urgh. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>I cancelled the credit card right away and I was so grateful that Pinny and his bf actually went back to Murni to find it for me. Guess luck was on my side, as they really managed to find it back. The whole stack of the cards. Was told that the worker took it up, bundled it up with a string and kept in the counter, just in case the owner (which is me) will return and look for it. Seriously, they are just so thoughtful and kind. Now, I like Murni even more. I shall visit them more often for their Watermelon Special. =D</div><div><br /></div><div>Owh, by the way, I realised I lost my cards at around 2 in the morning. Hence, I only managed to sleep at 3 sth and woke up this morning at 6am. Had to attend this kindergarten workshop in Kepong. It was so exhausting but at the same time, it was fun having activities with the kids. I had fun playing the blindfold game where others who are not blindfolded have to direct the blindfolded ones to search for a pingpong ball that was placed around them. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, back to last night's incident, I'm really glad and thankful to have this awesome peeps as my great friends who stayed up late because of me and even went all the way back to Murni just to help to find my stuff back. I really do appreciate it alot! *You guys are just so awesome. Thank you!*</div><div><br /></div><div>Hence, I am now using a new wallet and I shall make sure that the same incident will not occur again. *Fingers crossed* =]</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, the bruises and tiny spots are still visible on my arms and legs. Hopefully the vitamins will really make them disappear right away. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-5988136233234762082011-07-17T04:46:00.003+08:002011-07-17T05:25:37.272+08:00My Greatest AppreciationYou just know life's awesome when you have awesome friends around you. Not only awesome friends, but also awesome family members and relatives around you. =]<div><br /><div>My 21st birthday party was great! Seriously, I was really stressed out by the preparations and many others things for this party. After all, I must say all the stress are so worth it. So so worth it. Of course, I gotta really thank my mom for making this happened for me. She was the mastermind behind the whole thing. She insisted that I should throw a party when I was so lazy to have one. Despite all the stress-ness and the tantrums that I've shown to her, she's still the awesome-est mom to me. *Thank you, mummy! You're the best.*</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Also, I gotta thank the bro and his gf for being my awesome photographers for the night. I was pretty disappointed that a friend who made a promise to me earlier actually broke his promise and worse still, no where to be found. But nvm, this big bro got it covered. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>And dad, happy birthday to you too. Haha. Both dad and my birthday were only three days apart from each other. So, it was great celebrating our birthdays together. Of course, with his good friends who came for our party too. =] </div><div><br /></div><div>Next in line will be the love. I'm really grateful for his patience to listen to all my blabbing when I was in stress. I might have shown my tantrum to him too and I'm really sorry for that. But deep down inside I really want to thank him for being there for me when I was in need. *hugs and kisses to you dear*</div><div><br /></div><div>Last but not least, I really want to thank all my relatives and friends who came all the way to my party. Some were staying pretty far who came all the way just to make it to my party. I really really deeply appreciate it. Thank you very much. =]</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Well, what I realized from tonight was that I'm really thankful to have this awesome girl in my life who I know loves me very much from the bottom of her heart. And I still remember very clearly the first time ever I met this special girl. The first day of my foundation year, I stood outside the class, and she came up to me, asking if it was the right class for that particular subject that we were having that morning. We were actually both late for the class. We then entered the class together and we sat next to each other. Eversince then, she became the treasure in my life. She made me speak Mandarin when I was so suck at it and turned me into a pro-mandarin speaker now. Of course, after all the humiliation I got from saying the words wrongly and became a laughing stock to everyone around us. However, I know she meant well. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>We may have just managed to spent a year studying together and knowing each other in Utar and only managed to meet up few times in a year, but with such a strong bond that we had, I'm pretty sure nothing will ever be able to replace it in our lives. We don't really need to hear from each other every single day, coz we know, we will always have each other in our hearts. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>She always care for me, especially when I was upset. I know she's upset whenever I do too. She's always protective towards my feelings and never wanted me to get hurt from anyone around me. She even ensures and reminds my bf to treat me right too.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now that I realized, that I'm so blessed with such a lovely friend in my life. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>With all the hugs and kisses and the tears that were cried for me tonight, thank you soooooo much for being such an awesome friend in my life, Chye Ying. And to the very bottom of my heart, I really really really do love you alot too. You'll always have me and I'll always be there for you whenever you need me, I promise. =] *hugs and kisses*</div><div><br /></div><div>Thank you for coming all the way from Kampar darling. You're the best. =D</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>And thank you again to everyone who came for my party. Have a great weekend! =]</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-39897004336734597712011-07-10T23:51:00.004+08:002011-07-11T00:29:40.927+08:00Big Day PreparationBersih has finally ended. No more roadblocks and horrifying sights of tear gas released. According to the brother who went to the rally, the city was indeed in a chaos. At least, its all over now. <div><br /></div><div>Anyway, its funny that there are some of my friends who got confused on the date of my party. I don't know whether to feel disappointed or how but I just had a slight feeling that they actually didn't bother much about it. Its kind of clear on the date of the party as it was written twice in the event page itself. Sigh. Whatever it is, its entirely up to these people to decide on attending or not. At least I did my part of inviting them. I wouldn't be dumb enough to hold an event on the Bersih day afterall. =S</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, I guess the preparations are pretty much done. Most of the things are actually arranged by my beloved awesome brother and hopefully everything will be great on this saturday. So, thanks bro! =] </div><div><br /></div><div>I can't wait to see my awesome friends who I've not met for some time. Surely going to be lots of catching up to do. At the same time, its surely awesome to be around the people who matters alot to me on that special day. =D<br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div><div>And now, I'm just counting down till the day the love is back. </div><div><br /></div><div>With all the endless conversations we had at night and the warmth of your arms around me all the time, it never fails to put a smile on my face before I go to bed every single night. </div><div><br /></div><div>Happy first monthsary dear. <3</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>At the same time, Happy 21st Birthday, darl Xian! You know I love you always! *Hugs and kisses* <3</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-57395641867518021082011-07-08T00:22:00.003+08:002011-07-08T01:44:50.093+08:00Just Another StoryI'm starting to believe that people may actually come across with one another or may even have several encounters without knowing the fact that they did before they really know each other. And then it came with a shock once they found out that they have met before, just that they were strangers to each other at that moment of time. <div><br /></div><div>Not only that, it is indeed a very small world that we are living in too. One day, you just found out that most of your friends know each other, and someone will be like a friend's friend of yours. Mutual friend, or whatever you call it. Its just out of a sudden that everyone seems to know each other.<br /><div><br /></div><div>As in my case, I've never imagine myself being in places that were so near to someone who matters so much to me now, way before I know of his existence. I'm pretty sure I've passed by him many times before in my life, or more precisely during the secondary school moment where most of the time I'll be making my way to and fro the tuition centre back in form 4. Its funny to think that I was actually so near to this particular person and it took us like forever to know each other. So near yet so far I guess. =p</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Its just another story of how strangers became lovers anyway. </div><div><br /></div><div>I remember this friend of mine who had shared her story of how she knew her husband few years ago. I was pretty much impressed that its so much similar to those which I've watched from a movie where they both worked in the same office building. Always bumping into each other in the lift. The guy finally made an approached to ask for the girl's contact after some period of time. Guy messaged girl. Guy asked for a date with the girl. They coupled. They married. Happy ending. =p</div><div><br /></div><div>The thing is, you may not possibly imagine how you will meet your other half in life. It may be quite unexpectable sometimes. But no matter how it was started at the beginning, I'm pretty sure that everyone would want to be able to reflect back in the future and be glad that they have found each other in their lives. <3</div><div><br /></div><div>Now, what was your story? =]</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-3784388735270095682011-07-06T01:52:00.002+08:002011-07-06T02:14:18.681+08:00New SemesterI guess first week of classes are usually more relaxed as there's not much of teaching involved. Its usually just the discussion on the assessments and examination stuff. The choosing of subjects is the one that caused us headache before the first class on Monday. Fortunately, we managed to arrange the suitable subjects and agreed on taking the same subjects with the awesome peeps. This way, we will be able to do the assignments together as a group. Much easier to communicate and helpful in delegating the tasks. =p<div><br /></div><div>It certainly feels good to be hanging out with the bunch of awesome peeps again after two weeks of break where everyone was busy working while one of them was busy with her trip. Envy much! =p I just can't wait for the Tom Yam night in Pinny's place again next Tuesday. Its gonna be movie night too. How awesome! More fun for us. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>We work hard and play hard too. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I'm so envy of the love who will be having a whale of time for the whole week. Looking at him, I just know that he's so excited already. Haha. Bid farewell an hour ago and I know, the week will just feel like forever to me now. And I'm just so glad that he'll be back for the big day. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>At the mean time, you can hold on to my words that I gave to you. <3</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-62119737776133819072011-07-01T23:54:00.002+08:002011-07-02T00:27:58.743+08:00The Month of JulyThree weeks of semester break is coming to an end soon. Spent the first week itself doing nothing but hanging out with the awesome peeps while for the second and third week, I've been pretty much occupied by the new job. I love working in Discovery House indeed. It was so much fun, so much to learn and its all about the positive energy. =] <div><br /></div><div>Each day, I woke up with the mindset of wanting to learn more in DH and somehow, apart of me feels a little sad, knowing the fact that I got to concentrate more on my studies again once the new semester starts on Monday. I'll not be able to be in DH everyday, depending on the timetable for the subjects that I'll be taking for this new semester. So far, I'm pretty satisfied with the subjects and the timetable that I've chosen. However, I'll still need to finalize them with my awesome peeps to see if the subjects are agreeable to be taken together so that we will be able to work together in a group for the assignments given. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>As for now, I'll still be committed to DH. Learning is just so much fun, especially when you're working together with a bunch of fun loving peeps. =] Eventhough I got to travel far daily, yet its still so worth it. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, classes will be commencing on Monday and the love will be away for a week. Hopefully, I'll be so occupied with the first week of classes and the catching up with the awesome peeps, so that the time flies in just a blink of an eye. This way, I won't realized that he's away for a week. </div><div><br /></div><div>Also, I would want to request for souvenirs too. Haha! =p</div><div><br /></div><div>And luckily enough, the love will be able to make it for my big day. =D</div><div><br /></div><div>Its going to be an awesome month for sure! =]</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-91217881785564322372011-06-23T16:57:00.004+08:002011-06-23T18:36:59.841+08:00Just Embrace ItOkie, I choked. I got cold feet. I admit that. Very often, I just ignore and tend to shake it off my mind just like that, while concentrating on everything else. Now I do believe how things can just haunt you at times. Also, I do realized how big impact it creates with the haunting. I never like pointing fingers. I never like to live with anger too. But sometimes, there are just things that you can't forget or you just can't wish that things will disappear from the memory. The more you fight it, the worse things could be. Perhaps, that pretty much explains the existence of fear in me. I guess most of the time, I've been concentrating on ensuring things will never end up with the same results again. I've focused too much on my fear and it never came into my mind to learn how to embrace it instead. I hold things so tightly and calculated every steps taken, leaving myself with no space to breathe and no room for any error. In the end, I just suffocate, dragging everything else around me. <div><br /></div><div>Someone once told me, 'Your feelings are so screwed up because of what you've been through in life, and you just got lost and out of track. How much I wish that all these had never occur to you'. </div><div><br /></div><div>I used to think that whatever said was right. I tend to think myself in that way too. I'm just comfortable believing in the victim story like most would be. I gave myself an excuse and then I just start living with worries everyday. Every single time, I think of all the possible consequences. Not the positive ones, but thinking of the possibilities of things that could go wrong. I just lost my trust.</div><div><br /></div><div>However, last night just got me pondered on everything that I'm going through at this moment of my life. Even though I do voice out my feelings at times, I just never wanted to make known of my expectations and just hope that it can be met. And when it doesn't, I just suck it in and continue hoping till I got so tired of it. Hence, I realized its just me, myself who got myself exhausted. Its true that I may lost my way somewhere in the middle, but it is crucial to get right back on track once I knew it.</div><div><br /></div><div>And now that I realized it, I'm ready to just accept the past and let things happen eventually as long as I commit and do the best I can for my side. I will never want to expect anything more in return. I shall trust unconditionally and open up myself once again. Also, to embrace whatever that may come for me from then. I don't deny that results are important, but what matters most is how you're doing it to achieve the desired results. It can be many ways, but I would want to be able to look back one day and glad that I had a wonderful happy journey without any regrets. </div><div><br /></div><div>Just be authentic and accept whatever that may comes. =]</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135765911206083430.post-10044966325036107962011-06-20T01:08:00.002+08:002011-06-20T01:43:42.219+08:00Awesome WeekendI know I've mentioned bout my perspective of clubbing in my previous post before this. And yes, I did go clubbing with the bunch of crazy awesome peeps on Friday night. As usual, Friday is a playday. Quoted by Uncle Do. Haha. If it wasn't for these awesome people, I would never have agreed to be there at all. I did enjoyed myself on the dance floor with them and made all those moves with the girls. Mind me, I said girls. =p <div><br /></div><div>But clubbing is a very exhausting activity indeed. Just less than half an hour, I felt like collapsing already. Looking on the brighter side, like Do said, it tones up the abs. =p However, I don't think I will be doing this in the near future. Probably the next blue moon. Had the experience and fun with the peeps and that's enough for now. =p</div><div><br /></div><div>So, I've pretty much spent an awesome weekend. Friday night with the awesome peeps. Saturday night out with mom and dad to my uncles and aunties' new Overtime in Manjalara. Then, spending whole Sunday afternoon making cards and dinner with dad at night. Also, meeting the love too. =]</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, there won't be any more trip for me during this semester break as I'll be working starting from Monday, which means tomorrow. And I've decided to gain new experiences by working with the kids this time. I did help out my friend in his kids training previously, and this time, its going to be long term. Hopefully I'll be able to learn up lots of skills on kids handling too. Really can't wait for it. =] </div><div><div><br /></div><div>At the same time, I can't wait for Tuesday to arrive too. Been cracking my head to get things done. And yes, I've even attempted something new that may come handy in the future too. Hopefully, things will turn out great. =D</div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Meryll Chanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17645161257945767774noreply@blogger.com0