Just A Rant

I finally come to the conclusion that, I gotta stop trying. I mean, I gotta stop thinking that there might be a possibility that things are not how it appears to be now. Sometimes, I just hate the feeling of contradiction that I have within myself. When I had made my stand, I will still have the tendency of thinking that some things will be different if I do something differently. Which in short, hoping that the results will be better. However, what I realized was things will always remain the same, no matter what I did.

All I can say is, my intention is simple. In fact, its pretty clear and straightforward. Both words and actions used. When it comes to something or someone that matters to me, I could do anything. But, I dislike being taken for granted, thats for sure. And I do want at least some respect too. I can be easygoing but never gets over the border. That's when I'll start to take a step back and my guards will be up.

Perhaps, conveying my message through actions is a very bad idea at the first place. And now, I know someone might be saying 'I told you so'. =p

Whatever it is, I think I can finally confirm on the outcome and helps me to come up with a firm decision too. =] I gotta let go before things get deeper. Also, I've been through the exact same thing before and I wouldn't wanna experience this again.

Owh, anyway, I am still surviving everyday with the amount of assignments to be completed. And I know I'm not alone. =p


Love,
-RyLLz-

Actions or words

There's always a certain period of time where I will always listen to the songs from a particular singer till I get so bored of it. And since last week, I've been indulging myself with the songs from Kylie Minogue. Its not only the latest songs from the album, Aphrodite, but also the ones from previous albums. I just got hooked up all of a sudden. So, if you so happened to be in my car, you will be listening to them all the way to your destination. =p

Seriously, her songs makes me groove. In another words, its a good way to feel awesome after a hectic day or when something is bothering my mind. Plus, it kinda feels like a confidence booster too. =]

Anyway, its the fifth week of college now and the assignments are kinda overloading. Not to mention, at least 3 assignments in each subject, which sums up to roughly about 12 assignments in total. The bright side is that, I do not have a midterm unlike most of my dear friends. There's pros and cons to that, pros is that I don't have to study and burn my midnight oil to prepare for the exam, while the cons is that, I will have to really frigging burn my midnight oil during my finals. Stuffing everything into my mind which I have learnt from the first week till the very last week.

But, I love marketing. I love it that I do not have to mainly memorize on the theories and definitions or formats and whatsoever. All I need to do is just to attend the lectures, understand the topic and apply it in the answers for a situational question. It may be tough for the very first time, but once I managed to hold the grasps of it. Its not as hard as it seems anymore. No doubt, there's a lot of writing needed which may eventually ended up with a sore hand once its done. But still, I enjoy it. The thing is, doing something that you like will make the hardship unnoticed. =]

What about wanting to do something that you like, but there's just something stopping you? Like what I did, consider the worthiness of it. If its not worth doing after all, just stop and move on to something else. Better things are yet to be discovered. =]

No doubt, there's still a little bit of ups and downs, which is really normal in everyone's life. A little bit of confusion here and there too, but it doesn't really matter anymore.

Recently, there has been a lot of informations that I gained on something that was once matters to me. Coincidence? I don't know. But, knowing what I know now doesn't really mean much to me anymore. Plus, I don't usually judge someone by just merely listening to one side of the story too.

One thing I learnt. Sometimes, its not really much of what is said, its the actions that reveal what it really is.

I must say, I'm really flattered with things that I was told of the other day. And I'm also glad knowing someone who I can really share my thoughts with. =]



Love,
-RyLLz-

Being True

I'm indeed relieved that most of the things are kinda settled down for now. Felt so stress dealing with so many things which were turning sour at the same time. Not to mention, the huge weight that I managed to lift up from my shoulder too.

See, the things is, when few things popped up at the same time, all we need to do is just to calm down and start planning on what steps needed to be taken to solve them one at a time. There's nothing that can't be solved. There's just decision that we know we are supposed to make but yet, we are reluctant to make it. Probably we felt that things are so right when its actually so wrong. Hence, we tend to neglect everything else.

Are we supposed to live like we are dying? Or shall we make decisions by thinking of the consequences of an action? Both of these are indeed contradicting but still, it goes back to the word - 'choice'.

Somehow, I will never let myself get beaten down for long. Couldn't stand the negativity that makes life miserable. Its normal to give a good cry at a point where we felt lost. But once its all out, its time to just move on and let the past be memories. Never hold grudges to anything nor anyone.

Another thing which I've learned from a friend of mine recently is that, there's really no need for justification of who you really are. Anyone has the rights to talk about anything to whoever at all. And yes, its human nature that people do tend to act as the victim in a situation, especially when they are telling it to a friend. The blame is always on the other side. But instead of clarifying ourselves after being accused, the best thing was just to let it go and stay true to ourselves. Standing firm and being who we really are. Eventually, people will notice and find out what is the real deal. ( I really do admire my friend on that. =] )

At the same time, I believe that there is always faults in both sides instead of one in every situation. Its just that we are too arrogant to admit our own faults most of the time, thinking that it would be much easier to just point the finger at others and no questions will be asked. Everyone will be on our side then. Somehow, there's a wise man who taught me to take up the responsible version of some situations where I had been through, admitting that it was part of my fault whenever I share it with a friend. And seriously, nothing feels much better than that. Also, it portrays the level of our maturity too. Things will just gets easier and better. Trust me and just do it. You will feel the difference.

One of the keys to happiness, just like how the saying goes,

When life gives you lemon, make a lemonade out of it.

Or






Love,
-RyLLz-

Trust

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy. -Walter Anderson-




- plays an important role in my life. Selfish decision made is just another implication of not potraying honesty and not being transparent. Its worst when I took the risk and had actually opened up myself completely at the first place.

But, I never did regret on taking the risk and open up myself everyday in my life. I do believe that in order for someone to take a risk and open up his or herself to me, it needs to be started from me. I tend to place myself in one's shoe before I made any decision. I know, I will never want to be kept in the dark, no matter what happens. I know I will never want to be in a situation where I felt clueless and helpless. I know I will never want to be in a place where I don't know if I made any mistakes. I know I will never want to be in a guessing game. I will never want to hide the truth just to make someone feel better.

However, things will not always go according to how we want it to be. We cant force anyone to do anything according to our way. Not everyone will be on the same page or have the same stand in certain things. Afterall, it is all about giving and taking, compromising.

These things are all crucial in a relationship. Be it friends or lovers. When it involves two person, decisions should always be made with each other's consent. Selfish decision made will tend to hurt the other individual. Hence, lost in trust.


Well, anyway, its been a great time. I enjoyed and appreciate the companion. I wish I could really know more, but its a choice made. And I will respect that. Afterall, I know I had a piece of lovely memory in me.



Love,
-RyLLz-

A New Chapter of 2011

Honestly, I have no idea if I can keep up with this blog after this post. Time to time, I've told myself to continue writing but I just tend to be really lazy. The only time I'm free, I prefer to be sleeping or watching tv or hanging out with my friends instead. I remember there was a period of time that I was so into the whole blogging thing and even posted all the photos I had captured almost everyday. What happened to that now?

I'm not sure if I'm starting to feel that blogging might just be another waste of time, spending hours and hours, perfecting a post and then forgetting what it is all about as time goes by. Or, I just feel like nothing much is interesting to blog about, as my life is kinda like a routine. Or, I might even feel that blogging is something that I started many years ago coz I wasn't really allowed to go out from the house as I was still young. Therefore, I couldnt really hang out with my friends to share my thoughts or feelings back then which resulted to blogging.

And then it came into my senses that, even blogging needs an objective. Its just like every other thing we do, there must be a reason behind every actions taken. As I noticed, a friend of mine uses her blog to write down things that she learns everyday. Its sort of like a notebook for her to jot down all the important points, so that she can revise it anytime she likes. As for another friend of mine, she uses her blog to express her feelings. From happy to sad, frustration to excitement. Anything that she could expressed which I believe, do make her feel better. It can be anything. A travel journal, a private online diary, a place to share ideas and whole lot more.

As for me, I think I need to figure out what I can do best with this blog of mine. Perhaps, I can write whatever I have learned in my life on a daily basis or weekly basis.

Therefore, for today, its important to have an objective in whatever we do in order to keep us going. You wouldnt wanna be thriving on a vague objective too. =]






Love,
-RyLLz-

The experiences gained in these two months of the semester break is totally priceless. So much learnt, so many efforts were invested to make things work. Not to forget, determination and commitment too. Although there were times when I felt like nothing is working no matter how hard I've tried till the extend of calling a quit, but I just knew it was not the right thing to do. There goes the phrase, 'No pain, no gain'.

Most of all, I do love what I'm doing. Bringing about changes to people's lives in a good way gives me satisfaction. Imagine people coming to you, saying 'Thank you for everything. You've completely changed my perception on how things can work in a better way'. The feeling of joy that I will never be able to explain. =]

In some other way, I've benefited too. Learning that an idea can be developed into actions just by making a move. Everyone's got to start somewhere indeed. Which had totally drives me into making my idea into a reality. Of course, there will be obstacles, but whats more important is to focus on the goal instead of the obstacles. Ignore the talking that is naturally developed in mind on the negativity. When there's a will, there's a way.

Same things apply to people's behavior. I couldn't be bothered much by certain people's actions which brings bitterness to my life. The less I care the better it is. Of course, I tend to get annoyed by this kind of immature actions that have been existing for a very long time. Being a copycat in whatever I am doing and also pretending to be nice but having a motive or whatsoever. Urgh. It just disgusts me. Somehow, they never know that they are the only sole player in the game which they are playing. How amusing.

As for me, I will just continue focusing on whatever I'm doing which actually makes me happy. =]

Finals is finally over. Although I've been living like a zombie for the entire week of examination, trying to insert as many informations as I could into the brain before I sat for each paper, I would say that it is all worth it. And I'm confident enough that I'll have better grades this time. =]

Second year will be commencing on November and I can be fully committed to my job till then. Also, I'm still looking forward to the training program which will be held on October. Will be away from KL for two weeks. Hopefully I wont really get bored of Taman Negara. =p

As I've mentioned before, I went for a trip during the Raya holiday. But unfortunately, the government made a change to my plans. My Singapore trip turned out to be a Penang and Cherating trip. The reason why is because I couldnt get my passport renewed on time. In fact, I wasnt given any numbers for the queue at the immigration office and were asked to come back the following week. Thats why we headed north instead of south.

When we were on the way back to KL from Penang, I got a call from a dear friend and she asked us to join her and her friends for a trip to Cherating. It was a fun getaway although I must say that Cherating is not the best place to snorkle. =p

Also, the sea water was really way to salty. Not much fishes around, but there are nice chorals. =] While at the beach, there were alot of cute little starfishes. They were so adorable that I actually caught two of them using a cigarette box and brought them back into the chalet. Somehow, I think I killed them cause I never see them moving after placing them in a paper cup. =[ *sorry starfishes, may you both rest in peace =[ *

I guess for now I'll just look forward to the upcoming plans for a trip in December. =]

When I'm totally occupied with my revisions for the finals, I started watching the first season of GG. I know its like the stupid-est thing to do but I just cant help it after watching one of the episode of the third season on 8tv. Urgh!

And then I got so caught up with the entire series that I cant stop watching the whole season. Thank God, I spent about three to four days to finish the entire season plus, I did make sure that I've done my studies for the day. =]

What's worst is that now, I cant keep my mind away from the second season. Its like my mind constantly thinking of how its gonna be, whats gonna happened, who's gonna be with who and so on. Tell me, how can I get rid of these thoughts till I'm finally done with my finals. Its totally killing me. Guess I'll just gotta force myself not to think of it for another four days. Afterall, four days seems pretty short for me. =]

And yes, I love Dan Humphrey. I clearly do not understand why everyone's crazy over Nate Archibald or Chuck Bass, but come on! Okie, I do love smart guy who has determination, vision and a big heart. Of course, I do not like pretty boys. That explains pretty much why my choice would be Dan. Thank you very much. =p

Now I just cant get enough of D. And probably with S.

Till then.


XoXo.

I commit to adding values.


Yes, thats one of my goals or I shall say the principle that I'm following starting from today. It feels really good to know that we are able to change an individual's mindset from negativity to positivity. Whats more awesome than helping individuals to improve themselves in many ways.

TalentEDge definitely broadened my projection on the corporate world. The experiences gained are priceless. =]

And for the mean time, its all about time management and multi tasking for my job and revisions for the final exam which is just two weeks away from now. While I'm busy with my job, I will have to arrange my time accordingly in order to be able to complete my revisions on time. Tiring of course, but its all worth it.

Once the finals is over, I cant wait to be 100 percent committed to my job and also, I'm anticipating on my first experience in the training program that will be held in October.

But before that, of course, I am more looking forward to the holiday trip during the Raya Holiday with the boyfriend. =]

I fell in love with Secret by One Republic even way before it appeared in The Sorcerer's Apprentice. And yes, Jay Baruchel is still looking cute as ever. Stupidly cute. Dorky cute. Haha. And whats even better is that there's Nicholas Cage. =] Still, Inception is one of the best movie this year though.

Anyway, things seems to be much more peaceful these days. No more feelings needed to be hidden, no more worries of leaving a scar on anyone, no pressure, no nothing. And I'm still in the search of getting a marketing related job. As in a part time job, to make use of my free time. =]

Mid term's finally over. And everyone seems to be busy with their second year subjects except for me. Yes, I was supposed to be taking second year's subjects too, but due to the inflexibility of my timetable, I gotta forget bout them and just take them in the upcoming semester. Which means, I will be having two months of holiday instead after the finals before second year commence. Also, it means that, I should look for a job too.

The good news is that, holiday for Raya will be right after the finals and I will be going off for a trip. =] Destination still unknown for now, but might be Hong Kong or Taiwan or even Bali. Awesome! Cant wait for the holiday. =D

At the mean time, gotta concentrate on the finals which will be in one and a half month's time. =]

Penang trip was overall just okie. In fact, the fun was spoiled even before we got there. The roadblock before Sungkai Reststop was a mood spoiler. We got no idea how we would ended up being pull over due to speeding while the other two Sat Neos managed to escape when they were way ahead of us. Sigh. Plus the policeman actually negotiated the amount of bribery with us. Wtf.

Police: Kereta bawak laju oh. Mcm maner.

Andz: Boleh settle?

Police: Mcm maner nak settle?

Andz: Rm20 boleh?

Police: Maner boleh. Rm50 la.

Andz: Takde la bang. Rm20 je.

Police: Bawak gf lagi tu. Gf takkan takde.

Andz: Takkan nak suruh perempuan bagi. Rm20 je bang. Takde duit. Nak gi Penang lagi.

Police: Macam ni saya saman je la.

Andz: Okie la. Saman la.

Police: Betul ni? Rm30 la.

Andz: Takde bang. Mmg Rm20 je.

Police: Okie la.



WTF.


I'm speechless.


Besides from this event, I think we were pretty much unlucky during the entire trip. The first night itself, we got saman from the police for illegal parking in Gurney Drive after our meal. And also during the second night, while we were rushing to the restaurant for dinner, we overtook a bus and a car and made an illegal turn near the restaurant. Within seconds, we were asked to go to the police station which is only few seconds away from the restaurant and were given another saman for illegal turn. Turned out, the car that we overtook was a policeman's car, who was not in duty. WTF.



Also, when we got to Hard Rock Hotel on the first day, when we checked in, we were told that it will be inclusive of breakfast. And based on that statement, ppl will usually perceived that there will be two breakfast instead of one. Unfortunately, we found out that there was only breakfast for a person instead of two when we got to the dining area. And an addtional breakfast for one person costs us RM60++. Kena conned kao kao. Sigh. Bad experience in Hard Rock. Plus, the stay wasnt worth the amount paid.

Other than that, the food and the visiting with Andz and our friends were really enjoyable. =]

I wish we could have another awesome trip again soon. =]










Anyway, it has only been three hours of my birthday and I've received so many wishes from my friends. One of them even called, who is my beloved Chye Ying. Love her so muchhh! =D So many awesome friends I have, and I'm glad. =]

Thanks for all the wishes people! =D

Never imagine that the only person who I thought is different turned out to be just the same. Someone who I respect and care so much from the beginning till the end. Every single thing I did, I always hope for the best. I never wanted to be a heart breaker. I never wanted to see anyone sad. I tried my very best. Despite of everything, I am always the one to be blamed, and it doesn't matter. But telling the whole world, thats just way too over.

I swear, I promise, I will get want I want in life. The small little things in life that I've put aside for some time. I'm going to get them back, and make sure I live a wonderful life from this moment on.

Never been so messed up before in my entire life.

It just sucks.

It is such a bliss to be waking up next to someone who provides unconditional love every single day in life. Nothing can ever describe the feelings that I had every single morning when I woke up and see the most awesome person in my life. It just melts my heart when he showed me his lovely smile and a peck on my forehead every morning. And even more when he showed up with breakfast on the bed. =]

What else can I ask for when there is someone who is such a good cook who can make me fat, someone who is so tidy that make sure everything is clean and in place, someone who do stupid and gross stuff that actually made me laugh although I felt a little disgusted. Haha. Make it short, someone who just knows what to do at the right time. =p

Long story short, it was the best week ever in my life. And I dont think I'll ever forget how awesome he looked, standing on the bed, looking at me. =D

For now, I just wish for the best in his career and I just know he'll get to the place where he has always dream of. Of course, I will be there too. =]



I love you, baby.

I know there is nothing much that we can do for our grandma for now. All we could do is just to keep our fingers crossed that she wont be suffering much. It really breaks our hearts into tiny pieces by looking at her, lying on the hospital bed, looking restless and tired. Moreover, she has been taking care of the four of us for almost half of our lives. She did a really great job, raising us to who we are today. We appreciate every single thing she did for us while we were still young and cheeky. Did things when she was not aware, had massive arguments in Malay so that she would not understand. Even complaining how sick it was to be eating the same dishes almost everyday, just because one of us mentioned how much we liked the dish for the first time. But now, we were all just craving for those food that we had once complained about. We just miss the tastes of them, which we will never be able to taste again from any other person's cooking.

I know the doctors had given us the heads up on what is coming for us. All I can do for now is just to be there for her, every single day, whenever possible. I love grandma, so much.

At the same time, I really do appreciate that baby has always been here for me, whenever I need him. Thanks baby. *hugs and kisses* =]

One negative stuff after another. Thats just great. Now with my new semester started, I have a mind full of worries and distractions. It seems like life's getting pretty harsh on me lately. But I will not start pointing fingers for whatever that's been bothering me in my mind. Cause it wasn't anyone's fault at all. Things just happened naturally. And probably, one or two might even be because of me. My own fault instead.

I've always known that whatever a person did, he or she must be responsible for whatever's done. Or perhaps, a responsibility that is naturally existed for the role played in life as a family member, friend and etc. Or even perhaps a natural spontaneous reaction on certain things which involves consideration and care.

I really agree that life taught millions of lessons on how to be someone better in this world. And I even started to believe that whatever a mother said or advise, is something that should be accepted and pondered on. When the words of advises are taken and given a thought on, it is then realized that most of them are exactly true and accurate. Its just that it might not appear to be true at that moment, but it might be true in the near future. Thats when people start thinking 'Owh, what she said was actually true. I wish I could have listened to it from the beginning'. I guess people really do learn by making mistakes in life.

But what matters most is that being able to stop making the same mistakes again and appreciate whatever is learnt.

And yes, nothing couldnt be solved indeed. Just gotta keep trying.



P/s: Thanks baby. For everything. =]

I never knew that there are still people who actually visit my blog. Probably it was because of the updates telling them that I've updated my blog coz of the subscription to my blog or whatever you call it. =]

Well, the last semester of my first year had just commenced two days ago and seriously, its the suck-iest timetable I've ever had in my entire college life. Only three subjects this semester, including another stupid lan subject which is known as Malaysian Studies. The sad thing is that I will be attending my classes three days a week and all of the classes are in the evening. And so, in all three days, I will be finishing classes at 6pm or 6.30pm. Kill me. I just cant bare the super packed sardine bus, the congestion on the road to get to the lrt station and also the super packed sardine trains which probably will caused me waiting for few trains in order to get a chance to board a train home. Sigh.

But like it or not, I will still have to go through all that in this semester. There's nothing much I can do about it. The only pro in this is that I will not have to wake up early in the morning or have any chance of skipping classes for not being able to get my lazy ass off the bed. =p

Anyway, the results were okie for me. Never thought that I could actually pass my Law for I got brain dead while sitting for the paper. I still cant imagine how frustrated I was for not having enough rest and wasted half an hour or close to an hour looking at the blank answer sheet and the textbooks in front of me but doing nth. I couldnt even think of anything and all I know is I wanted to just drop my head on the table and sleep all the way. But fortunately, I managed to get very little concentration back and tried scribbling some words throughout the remaining two hours.

Whats past is past, and I could just hope that this semester, I'll do much better than that. =]

Away from that, the three wedding dinners that I've attended for the last two weekends were really awesome. Although it was tiring for waking up early in the morning to attend the morning ceremony and then rushed to get my hair done and then attending the dinner on the same night itself. So much of whiskeys for the weekends too. =]

For the last wedding dinner on Saturday, we had it in Bidor and right after that, my family and I actually headed to Penang for a trip. Its been so long ever since I've went for a trip with my family and it was really awesome. Food was obviously the best thing there. Cheap and delicious. We just cant resist ourselves from food every single hour. Awesome. =p






Owhh. Anyway, before I forget, I just hope things will get much much more better for someone who I cared for, Jasmine. Things will be okie before you even realized it. I will be here for you, whenever you need me. *hugs and kisses* =]

26.5.2010

Who would have thought that a simple guy who I got to know from the oh-so-stupid-please-kill-me subject could have turn out to be a guy who brought me joy and showered me with endless care for the past one month. A guy who I only knew of his existence after he made an approach to introduce himself for the moral assignment. A guy who I realized of his capabilities and qualities that caught my attention through the days. A humorous guy who has so much self confidence and determination within himself which captivates me. =]

He had never failed to keep me company throughout my bad times. He had never given up on whatever I had almost given up on. He has always shown me the light through the path when I got lost and confused.

Who would have thought that I could find someone who is so much of me, with similar interests on music preferences, similar mindset and thoughts on most of the things we could ever thought of. A sweetheart who serenades me with lovely songs and composes melodies to express his feelings towards me. Also, never failed to mesmerize me with all his knowledge on things around us.

Of course, a month definitely seemed like years to us, as though we have known each other for a long period of time. But looking back at it, it was just a month ago where we sat in Austin Chase, studying for my finals and watching Southpark during the breaks or sitting on the swing by the pool under the moonlight where we had endless conversation through the night. =]

And today, you have became a part of me that means so much to me. Someone important who I love and care so much for.









And so, Happy 1st Month-sary baby! =]



*Hugs and kisses*

I should really stop abandoning my blog anymore. And so, I shall be updating more often after this. Hopefully, this spirit will not die off immediately or right after I've posted this. =p

Anyway, the past few weeks were indeed one of the most dramatic moment in my life. When I said dramatic, I really do mean it. It was way too much stress for me to handle. The insufficient time for the finals revision, the insufficient sleep during the exam which happened to end up with a blank mind during my law paper and also some personal matters that were stuck in my mind most of the time. It was just too much.

However, there was one good thing for sure that appeared out of all the negative things mentioned. And probably, it might just be the best thing that could have ever happened to me after all these years. I guess the saying of 'Things happened when you least expect it.' was right. It never occur in my mind that things would have changed. I might have gotten used to being in the comfort zone for so many years and even realized that I had mentioned about stepping out from the circle way too many times but each and every time, I just failed. Complete failure indeed. But, not for this time. Not anymore.

Although I must admit that sometimes, the fear will just be there and it will start messing up my feelings, emotions and thoughts. Driving me clueless and uncertain of everything. And with all that, it did not only affect me alone and it just sucks to know that I was not the only one who was depressed by that. But somehow, I was never to be blamed for anything. I was never to be abandoned for anything at all. He was there for me ever since the very first day, despite of all the things I've said. And how could I possibly ask for more. =]

I really do appreciate everything that was done for me. And as time goes by, everything just grow with all the care and happiness showered on me. All I can do is just to hope that things will get better each day.



P/s: I know you'll read this. And I know you'll know that its you. And so, I just want to tell you that you mean a lot to me now. *Hugs and kisses* And I really miss you. =]