Life Goes On

I couldn't imagine all the ups and downs, highs and lows that I've been through these few weeks. I was once told that I'm fine, and then the next thing I know, I'm not fine afterall. But there are things in life that you just couldn't runaway from but forced to accept whatever it is. I do admit it was like a slap on my face or a hard bang on the wall, I just didn't know what to do or how to react. I was in the state where I just broke down and cried my eyes out, knowing the fact that I just couldn't believe what was told. At that point, I just felt like the end of the world for me. Yea, that bad.

But as days went by, I just told myself that life still goes on no matter what happens. I wouldn't want to waste my life questioning why things happened this way, nor trying to find a blame to whatever that's happening to me. I wouldn't want to spent my days being upset nor making everyone around me worry. I need to be strong, both mentally and physically and take good care of myself to enjoy all the great things in life that I may have overlooked all these years.

Someone once said, no one can ever tell or be so certain of their own future. They may be successful or not successful, they may live rich or poor, they may be healthy or not healthy. Nobody can predict any accidents that they may faced. Nobody can tell how long someone may live. Someone may be fine today and not the next day. Life's full of unpredictability. Hence, its best that we live our lives to the fullest, every single day.

I know, whatever happens, I'm not alone. There are always people who loves me and be there for me all the time. And these are all I ever needed to move on in life. I just couldn't ask for more. =]

I may not know what's going to happen to me tomorrow, but I will always appreciate everything that I have, every single day when I opened my eyes to welcome a brand new day. =]

P/s: No matter how difficult our journey will be in the future, I promise, I'll always do whatever it takes to overcome it. <3

Life as unexpected

Things certainly may happened when you least expected it. I couldn't really imagine for the first time in my life, I reached a point where I felt so helpless. So lost without knowing what I am capable of doing anymore. All this while, I thought I could be in control of everything I wanted to do. The thought of the destiny is within my own bare hands has been plastered in my mind like forever.

Its so weird when you have the feeling that you're not ready to leave everything behind unattended. Its weird when you feel like life has not been enough for you all these years. Its scares so much to be unknown of how things will turn out to be when you're no longer present with the ones you love. All that's in the mind was how would their lives be from then? Will they be doing great? Will they be happy? You have no idea if you can send all your messages across just in time. All you wanted was just for the time to stand still and be given a chance to complete everything before its too late. Say whatever you want to say to everyone around. Revealing every tiny bit of real feelings to everyone around.

The thing is, somehow, there's this unexplainable feeling of relieved that I've encountered when my mind was totally in a mess. Apart of me felt like I will be in good hands if I'll ever be gone. The thought of my beloved grandma did enlightened me up. I miss her dearly. =]

Well, it really breaks my heart so much to know that everyone around who cares bout me were dead worry of my condition. I never meant to cause them any sadness. If I could, I would want to take those worries all away, leaving nothing but happiness and fond memories of me instead.

This incident has certainly reminded me of things and people that I appreciate most in my life. Knowing that everyone will always stand by me, supporting me whenever I need them. Especially family members. Mom, dad and bro who will never leave me by my side at all, working so hard to take care of me with the hope that everything will be fine every single second of my life. I just couldn't thank them enough for everything that they did for me. I really do love them from the very bottom of my heart. =] I really do pray and hope that mom will always stay happy no matter what may comes in the future. Its a promise that I will make her happy as long as I'm around with her for as long as I live. =] Also, I will need to spend more quality time or having more outing with the family from now onwards.

Also, close friends and awesome friends. Putting their best efforts to comfort me time to time, convincing that everything will be great. I'm not blind to see that they were worry to death too of my condition. I know of their intention to channel the positive energy towards me by putting up a happy and 'everything will be okie' face whenever they see me. And I'm really grateful for that. It did somehow made my day each time. I do feel better all the time having them around, being face-to-face or even through simple text messages over the phone. I'm really blessed to have these good awesome friends in my life. Love you guys alot. =]

*Especially darling Xin Yun, after knowing you for close to ten years. Eversince the age of 13 I guess. You've been such a caring friend to me, being with me throughout all my ups and downs in my life. All the pains, cries and laughters we've shared together are all really valuable to me. <3 *

As for others, who came to visit me in the hospital, or those who sent a simple message to ask and concern bout me, or even those crazy bunch who came to kidnap me out from my house just to make me feel less like a sick patient. Thank you so much. =]

Lastly, the one thing that really concerns me of is the love. At a point, I felt so much of a regret if things will just have to stop at where it is now, knowing the fact that I wasn't given much chance to understand this particular person in my life who matters a lot to me now. Deep inside, I just wanted to fulfil my own promise to provide happiness and undying care and attention to this person eversince I let him in my heart from the very beginning. At least, I will do my best for now while I still can. =]

To be honest, the whole incident did create a huge impact on my life now. Its a lie if I said I don't feel a single worry at all. The fear of uncertainty. Nobody can really predict what will ever happen the very next day. But one thing I learnt, I will just need to live my life to the fullest every single day. Shouldn't let myself live with any single regrets everyday. Do things that I've always wanted to do. Achieve something in life that means alot to me or even to everyone around me. Finish my studies, graduate, get the job that I've always wanted, achieve my own little dream, providing happiness to everyone around every single day. =]

Of course, apart of that, gotta take good care of my health. Eating healthy, living a healthy lifestyle. Focusing more on the positivity instead of the negativity. It will definitely be easier said than done. But, I will try my best. Just do it instead. =]

At least, I know I did all I can to make the best out of my life. =D

Lots of love to everyone in my life.