Towards The End of The Semester

I am finally done with my assignments. And I've literally died from the last one. I got my butt stuck on the chair, completing the assignment for continuously 3 days. Seriously, the only time I left the working table was when I need to bathe and sleep for few hours. Even when I eat, its done while I was doing the assignment. The power of multi-tasking. =p

I should have started the assignment at the beginning of the semester. But there's just too many stuff happened, in which the love would prefer to call it as the 'unpredictable circumstances'. Too many things to handle, too little time left to focus on everything. And yea, I had a break down. Or I shall say break down-s. Involving many other different things, besides the assignment actually.

Afterall, I would love to thank my darling-s who have been a great help and were always there for me when I was in need. The amount of time and effort they have contributed on me, I deeply appreciate them. Without them, I'm seriously doom-ed. I would not be able to submit my last assignment on time. I'm seriously really happy to have these two awesome girls in my life, which I know I can always count on them when I need them. Love you girls lots, darl Yun and darl Xian! =D

And I also do appreciate the love's effort to drop by and make a surprise for me when I was in the about-to-explode-stress-level. Haha. No words could describe how happy I was to see him appear on my doorstep the other night when I was so fed up of the whole assignment. A big hug from him really ease all the pain and the stress away! Thank you, love. =]

Well, I seriously couldn't believe the amount of crap I've encountered for this entire semester. There's just way too many obstacles at this very short period of time. The amount of tears I've cried, the pain I've felt deep in my heart literally killed me already. I guess these kind of pain that cant be seen by the eyes are way more deadly than the pain I felt physically. Sometimes, I just felt like my heart died a little, bit by bit.

I have even reached a point where I just feel like running away from everything that I have and just look for something which may be like an inner peace thing. Something or somewhere I can go to have a peace of mind, with no worries of whatsoever that I am facing. But I realized that running away is not a good option at all. Its just a selfish act, where it may caused others to worry.

Hence, I always try to stay strong, not for myself, but for people around me who I love so dearly. They are the strength for me to stand back up at where I've fallen and move on. They are the confidence for me to face whatever that may comes in the future. =]

I must admit, I'm just an ordinary human with emotions. There will be times when I got so tired of being strong and I just want to let go and release all the pain I've kept inside. And when I do, I'll make sure I'll be good again right after that. =]

Perhaps life does give us obstacles for a good reason, which we may realized the benefit of it in the future. Maybe in my case, is to know who are the people who I can count on in my life and who are the people who worth every single piece of my heart. =]

For now, I'll just need to focus on my revision for the upcoming finals which begins next week. Then, its time to enjoy the one week holiday. =]

The Perfect Little Getaway

Been really busy lately. Most of my time is occupied with the assignments. There's assignment due every Monday started from last week. Although its group assignments, still it takes a long time to complete and even more time to compile everything. Most of all, I'm already panicking for my finals next month. I have not revise anything and at the same time, I need to focus on my assignments first. Hopefully by the time I've completed all the assignments, I still have plenty of time to complete my revisions. *fingers crossed*

Anyway, I finally got my very much needed getaway to just stay away from the hectic life and enjoy the beach without thinking bout anything else besides having a great time with the love. =]

We had a trip to Cherating, Kuantan and Genting, all in just three days time. Seriously, no amount of time is enough for me to be spent with the love. Its saddening that its just a short trip, but yet I'm really happy to be able to have a little getaway even its just within a short period time. Its the lovely memories which we have created that matters and makes everything worthwhile. =]

Well, its definitely the best Mid-autumn festival celebration I've ever had. And I can't wait to look forward to our next trip which I have no idea when. But I'm pretty sure there will be one. =D

Thank you for everything, love. You know that I <3 you dearly. =]

And yes, I miss those crazy, unstoppable, stomach-aching and contagious laughters that we had. =p

Tolerance

I am really starting to believe that there's a serious issue now. At this point, I'm starting to think if its really my problem. Too much of misunderstandings and now I'm doubting. I thought it is crucial to share all the thoughts and emotions to one another. I thought things are supposed to be spoken out to gain better understanding. I thought we could just leave our pride and listen in order to give and take.

How can things ever be good if only one side is expected to be heard and accepted. How can two minds ever think alike or reach an agreement on certain things when there's so many differences in nature besides than sharing, listening and accepting each others' point-of-views instead of both trying to win. Most of all, what's the point of sharing what one's really feel when the other party already have the mindset that they are right and what they focus on are just to make the other party to agree on their very own point-of-view. Imagine a tug-of-war. Both sides trying to get each other onto their sides. Its just a never ending story and at the end of the day, its just exhausting.

To be honest, I used to be someone who never likes to back down too. I've always wanted to get my message across, and expect the other person to accept it and just deal with it, disregard of whatever reasoning that they have given to disagree with me. Worst still, I just couldn't accept any different opinions countering to mine. Eventually, it leads to frustration and anger, both sides. How could possibly the same person always ended up being right and the other always wrong? It just doesn't make sense at all.

At one point, I learnt the true meaning of tolerance from a wise friend of mine. Its a very simple thing, but human tend to have ego and that's the whole obstacles to that. Given the thought about it, does anger make things better? Does yelling just to make the other person agree with you works? No. It just backfires. Imagine the tug-of-war again. Instead of each side exerting all their strengths to pull one another to their sides, what about each side taking a step forward towards each others' sides? There's no need to feel exhausted coz of the pulling, and yet, both get a step forward and still reaches a balance. A win-win situation.

The point is, all each party needs to do is to just listen, acknowledge and accept the other party's point-of-views and share their own point-of-views. Both needs to do the same thing in order to achieve the balance. Its impossible to reach that balance with only one party doing so. Its all about giving and taking. When both starts giving, both gets taking.

Again, I admit that I'm not perfect. Sometimes, I tend to give in to my own pride and ego too. I may still stand by my own point-of-views and get carried away. It is not easy for one to let go off their image and pride, and start listening. But I always remind myself and do my best to be tolerant.

Hence, sometimes I may be right and sometimes I may be wrong. But whatever it is, anger is just not a solution to anything. Screaming and yelling will just hurt one another and that's a fact. I never wanted to feel regret for saying anything hurtful just because I was blinded by anger. But if that's what I'm getting, perhaps, I shall just stop sharing what I really feel to avoid feeling sad or mad or hurt to both sides. There's just no point to it when things will get worse. Its just not fair to never have the chance to be heard and accepted and only expected to agree on the other side's point-of-view.

I'm making it a point to not shed anymore tears on things like this, ever.

Those little things

Its those little things that he remembers which really captures my heart. Every single detail, every single words said, every single things did, he can just remembers it so clearly. As a matter of fact, I really do enjoy listening to him, telling me all the things that we've done ever since we first met, officially. Those memories that I can replay it in my mind whenever he talks about it, it just makes me smile, effortlessly. With so, I feel appreciated and loved in every ways. =]

Its also the way those pair of eyes that looked at me everytime when I'm eating, when I'm doing my things, when I'm about to sleep, when I'm asleep, when I'm lying beside him, when I'm looking back at him which really makes me feel loved too. You just know its something when he looks at you the way nobody else has ever did in the same way. =]

Most of all, its those pair of arms which holds me from the back, that makes me feel safe and secure all the time. It provides the feeling that I can count on him no matter what happens and that he'll never abandon me whenever I'm in need. I found my comfort all the time. =]

Although at times, we may fight on small little things, but that doesn't mean I'll love him less. Its just a way to understand each other more and with that said, I'm glad to be able to have a chance to understand him more with each fight made. =]

I just couldn't believe I've found someone who knocks me off my feet, everytime. =]

And yes, I finally found someone. Its creepy that we both have this same song in our minds at the same time. How can this be such a coincidence. Told you that he can read my mind somehow. =p

I love you, silly. <3

Life Goes On

I couldn't imagine all the ups and downs, highs and lows that I've been through these few weeks. I was once told that I'm fine, and then the next thing I know, I'm not fine afterall. But there are things in life that you just couldn't runaway from but forced to accept whatever it is. I do admit it was like a slap on my face or a hard bang on the wall, I just didn't know what to do or how to react. I was in the state where I just broke down and cried my eyes out, knowing the fact that I just couldn't believe what was told. At that point, I just felt like the end of the world for me. Yea, that bad.

But as days went by, I just told myself that life still goes on no matter what happens. I wouldn't want to waste my life questioning why things happened this way, nor trying to find a blame to whatever that's happening to me. I wouldn't want to spent my days being upset nor making everyone around me worry. I need to be strong, both mentally and physically and take good care of myself to enjoy all the great things in life that I may have overlooked all these years.

Someone once said, no one can ever tell or be so certain of their own future. They may be successful or not successful, they may live rich or poor, they may be healthy or not healthy. Nobody can predict any accidents that they may faced. Nobody can tell how long someone may live. Someone may be fine today and not the next day. Life's full of unpredictability. Hence, its best that we live our lives to the fullest, every single day.

I know, whatever happens, I'm not alone. There are always people who loves me and be there for me all the time. And these are all I ever needed to move on in life. I just couldn't ask for more. =]

I may not know what's going to happen to me tomorrow, but I will always appreciate everything that I have, every single day when I opened my eyes to welcome a brand new day. =]

P/s: No matter how difficult our journey will be in the future, I promise, I'll always do whatever it takes to overcome it. <3

Life as unexpected

Things certainly may happened when you least expected it. I couldn't really imagine for the first time in my life, I reached a point where I felt so helpless. So lost without knowing what I am capable of doing anymore. All this while, I thought I could be in control of everything I wanted to do. The thought of the destiny is within my own bare hands has been plastered in my mind like forever.

Its so weird when you have the feeling that you're not ready to leave everything behind unattended. Its weird when you feel like life has not been enough for you all these years. Its scares so much to be unknown of how things will turn out to be when you're no longer present with the ones you love. All that's in the mind was how would their lives be from then? Will they be doing great? Will they be happy? You have no idea if you can send all your messages across just in time. All you wanted was just for the time to stand still and be given a chance to complete everything before its too late. Say whatever you want to say to everyone around. Revealing every tiny bit of real feelings to everyone around.

The thing is, somehow, there's this unexplainable feeling of relieved that I've encountered when my mind was totally in a mess. Apart of me felt like I will be in good hands if I'll ever be gone. The thought of my beloved grandma did enlightened me up. I miss her dearly. =]

Well, it really breaks my heart so much to know that everyone around who cares bout me were dead worry of my condition. I never meant to cause them any sadness. If I could, I would want to take those worries all away, leaving nothing but happiness and fond memories of me instead.

This incident has certainly reminded me of things and people that I appreciate most in my life. Knowing that everyone will always stand by me, supporting me whenever I need them. Especially family members. Mom, dad and bro who will never leave me by my side at all, working so hard to take care of me with the hope that everything will be fine every single second of my life. I just couldn't thank them enough for everything that they did for me. I really do love them from the very bottom of my heart. =] I really do pray and hope that mom will always stay happy no matter what may comes in the future. Its a promise that I will make her happy as long as I'm around with her for as long as I live. =] Also, I will need to spend more quality time or having more outing with the family from now onwards.

Also, close friends and awesome friends. Putting their best efforts to comfort me time to time, convincing that everything will be great. I'm not blind to see that they were worry to death too of my condition. I know of their intention to channel the positive energy towards me by putting up a happy and 'everything will be okie' face whenever they see me. And I'm really grateful for that. It did somehow made my day each time. I do feel better all the time having them around, being face-to-face or even through simple text messages over the phone. I'm really blessed to have these good awesome friends in my life. Love you guys alot. =]

*Especially darling Xin Yun, after knowing you for close to ten years. Eversince the age of 13 I guess. You've been such a caring friend to me, being with me throughout all my ups and downs in my life. All the pains, cries and laughters we've shared together are all really valuable to me. <3 *

As for others, who came to visit me in the hospital, or those who sent a simple message to ask and concern bout me, or even those crazy bunch who came to kidnap me out from my house just to make me feel less like a sick patient. Thank you so much. =]

Lastly, the one thing that really concerns me of is the love. At a point, I felt so much of a regret if things will just have to stop at where it is now, knowing the fact that I wasn't given much chance to understand this particular person in my life who matters a lot to me now. Deep inside, I just wanted to fulfil my own promise to provide happiness and undying care and attention to this person eversince I let him in my heart from the very beginning. At least, I will do my best for now while I still can. =]

To be honest, the whole incident did create a huge impact on my life now. Its a lie if I said I don't feel a single worry at all. The fear of uncertainty. Nobody can really predict what will ever happen the very next day. But one thing I learnt, I will just need to live my life to the fullest every single day. Shouldn't let myself live with any single regrets everyday. Do things that I've always wanted to do. Achieve something in life that means alot to me or even to everyone around me. Finish my studies, graduate, get the job that I've always wanted, achieve my own little dream, providing happiness to everyone around every single day. =]

Of course, apart of that, gotta take good care of my health. Eating healthy, living a healthy lifestyle. Focusing more on the positivity instead of the negativity. It will definitely be easier said than done. But, I will try my best. Just do it instead. =]

At least, I know I did all I can to make the best out of my life. =D

Lots of love to everyone in my life.

Clumsy Me

I will not deny that I am indeed the clumsiest girl in the world. How could I not possibly notice that I dropped a stack of cards which includes my IC, license and my credit card from my wallet. Although I really do love my old and torn wallet, I just don't think I shall use it anymore. Or else, my things will just fell off from it again. And the next time, I might not be that lucky anymore.

It all started with me holding my wallet and my phones instead of carrying them in my tiny lil bag like I always do. That was because I just had my badminton session which ended at 11pm and then headed to Murni SS2 with the awesome bunch. While I was happily on the phone with the love, that was when I actually dropped my cards and I could just sense something was wrong when I got home. And worst still, when I was actually on the bed, trying to get some sleep. I went down from the bed, checked my wallet and I just got panicked right away, calling all my friends to check in their cars, just in case it was fell of in the car. Unfortunately no. And Do actually told me that they saw a stack of cards on the floor in Murni and they just laughed about it coz of the picture. And yes, it was my ugly picture which was taken more than 10 years back. Urgh.

I cancelled the credit card right away and I was so grateful that Pinny and his bf actually went back to Murni to find it for me. Guess luck was on my side, as they really managed to find it back. The whole stack of the cards. Was told that the worker took it up, bundled it up with a string and kept in the counter, just in case the owner (which is me) will return and look for it. Seriously, they are just so thoughtful and kind. Now, I like Murni even more. I shall visit them more often for their Watermelon Special. =D

Owh, by the way, I realised I lost my cards at around 2 in the morning. Hence, I only managed to sleep at 3 sth and woke up this morning at 6am. Had to attend this kindergarten workshop in Kepong. It was so exhausting but at the same time, it was fun having activities with the kids. I had fun playing the blindfold game where others who are not blindfolded have to direct the blindfolded ones to search for a pingpong ball that was placed around them. =]

Well, back to last night's incident, I'm really glad and thankful to have this awesome peeps as my great friends who stayed up late because of me and even went all the way back to Murni just to help to find my stuff back. I really do appreciate it alot! *You guys are just so awesome. Thank you!*

Hence, I am now using a new wallet and I shall make sure that the same incident will not occur again. *Fingers crossed* =]

Also, the bruises and tiny spots are still visible on my arms and legs. Hopefully the vitamins will really make them disappear right away.

My Greatest Appreciation

You just know life's awesome when you have awesome friends around you. Not only awesome friends, but also awesome family members and relatives around you. =]

My 21st birthday party was great! Seriously, I was really stressed out by the preparations and many others things for this party. After all, I must say all the stress are so worth it. So so worth it. Of course, I gotta really thank my mom for making this happened for me. She was the mastermind behind the whole thing. She insisted that I should throw a party when I was so lazy to have one. Despite all the stress-ness and the tantrums that I've shown to her, she's still the awesome-est mom to me. *Thank you, mummy! You're the best.*

Also, I gotta thank the bro and his gf for being my awesome photographers for the night. I was pretty disappointed that a friend who made a promise to me earlier actually broke his promise and worse still, no where to be found. But nvm, this big bro got it covered. =]

And dad, happy birthday to you too. Haha. Both dad and my birthday were only three days apart from each other. So, it was great celebrating our birthdays together. Of course, with his good friends who came for our party too. =]

Next in line will be the love. I'm really grateful for his patience to listen to all my blabbing when I was in stress. I might have shown my tantrum to him too and I'm really sorry for that. But deep down inside I really want to thank him for being there for me when I was in need. *hugs and kisses to you dear*

Last but not least, I really want to thank all my relatives and friends who came all the way to my party. Some were staying pretty far who came all the way just to make it to my party. I really really deeply appreciate it. Thank you very much. =]

Well, what I realized from tonight was that I'm really thankful to have this awesome girl in my life who I know loves me very much from the bottom of her heart. And I still remember very clearly the first time ever I met this special girl. The first day of my foundation year, I stood outside the class, and she came up to me, asking if it was the right class for that particular subject that we were having that morning. We were actually both late for the class. We then entered the class together and we sat next to each other. Eversince then, she became the treasure in my life. She made me speak Mandarin when I was so suck at it and turned me into a pro-mandarin speaker now. Of course, after all the humiliation I got from saying the words wrongly and became a laughing stock to everyone around us. However, I know she meant well. =]

We may have just managed to spent a year studying together and knowing each other in Utar and only managed to meet up few times in a year, but with such a strong bond that we had, I'm pretty sure nothing will ever be able to replace it in our lives. We don't really need to hear from each other every single day, coz we know, we will always have each other in our hearts. =]

She always care for me, especially when I was upset. I know she's upset whenever I do too. She's always protective towards my feelings and never wanted me to get hurt from anyone around me. She even ensures and reminds my bf to treat me right too.

Now that I realized, that I'm so blessed with such a lovely friend in my life. =]

With all the hugs and kisses and the tears that were cried for me tonight, thank you soooooo much for being such an awesome friend in my life, Chye Ying. And to the very bottom of my heart, I really really really do love you alot too. You'll always have me and I'll always be there for you whenever you need me, I promise. =] *hugs and kisses*

Thank you for coming all the way from Kampar darling. You're the best. =D

And thank you again to everyone who came for my party. Have a great weekend! =]

Big Day Preparation

Bersih has finally ended. No more roadblocks and horrifying sights of tear gas released. According to the brother who went to the rally, the city was indeed in a chaos. At least, its all over now.

Anyway, its funny that there are some of my friends who got confused on the date of my party. I don't know whether to feel disappointed or how but I just had a slight feeling that they actually didn't bother much about it. Its kind of clear on the date of the party as it was written twice in the event page itself. Sigh. Whatever it is, its entirely up to these people to decide on attending or not. At least I did my part of inviting them. I wouldn't be dumb enough to hold an event on the Bersih day afterall. =S

Well, I guess the preparations are pretty much done. Most of the things are actually arranged by my beloved awesome brother and hopefully everything will be great on this saturday. So, thanks bro! =]

I can't wait to see my awesome friends who I've not met for some time. Surely going to be lots of catching up to do. At the same time, its surely awesome to be around the people who matters alot to me on that special day. =D

And now, I'm just counting down till the day the love is back.

With all the endless conversations we had at night and the warmth of your arms around me all the time, it never fails to put a smile on my face before I go to bed every single night.

Happy first monthsary dear. <3

At the same time, Happy 21st Birthday, darl Xian! You know I love you always! *Hugs and kisses* <3

Just Another Story

I'm starting to believe that people may actually come across with one another or may even have several encounters without knowing the fact that they did before they really know each other. And then it came with a shock once they found out that they have met before, just that they were strangers to each other at that moment of time.

Not only that, it is indeed a very small world that we are living in too. One day, you just found out that most of your friends know each other, and someone will be like a friend's friend of yours. Mutual friend, or whatever you call it. Its just out of a sudden that everyone seems to know each other.

As in my case, I've never imagine myself being in places that were so near to someone who matters so much to me now, way before I know of his existence. I'm pretty sure I've passed by him many times before in my life, or more precisely during the secondary school moment where most of the time I'll be making my way to and fro the tuition centre back in form 4. Its funny to think that I was actually so near to this particular person and it took us like forever to know each other. So near yet so far I guess. =p

Its just another story of how strangers became lovers anyway.

I remember this friend of mine who had shared her story of how she knew her husband few years ago. I was pretty much impressed that its so much similar to those which I've watched from a movie where they both worked in the same office building. Always bumping into each other in the lift. The guy finally made an approached to ask for the girl's contact after some period of time. Guy messaged girl. Guy asked for a date with the girl. They coupled. They married. Happy ending. =p

The thing is, you may not possibly imagine how you will meet your other half in life. It may be quite unexpectable sometimes. But no matter how it was started at the beginning, I'm pretty sure that everyone would want to be able to reflect back in the future and be glad that they have found each other in their lives. <3

Now, what was your story? =]

New Semester

I guess first week of classes are usually more relaxed as there's not much of teaching involved. Its usually just the discussion on the assessments and examination stuff. The choosing of subjects is the one that caused us headache before the first class on Monday. Fortunately, we managed to arrange the suitable subjects and agreed on taking the same subjects with the awesome peeps. This way, we will be able to do the assignments together as a group. Much easier to communicate and helpful in delegating the tasks. =p

It certainly feels good to be hanging out with the bunch of awesome peeps again after two weeks of break where everyone was busy working while one of them was busy with her trip. Envy much! =p I just can't wait for the Tom Yam night in Pinny's place again next Tuesday. Its gonna be movie night too. How awesome! More fun for us. =]

We work hard and play hard too. =]

Anyway, I'm so envy of the love who will be having a whale of time for the whole week. Looking at him, I just know that he's so excited already. Haha. Bid farewell an hour ago and I know, the week will just feel like forever to me now. And I'm just so glad that he'll be back for the big day. =]

At the mean time, you can hold on to my words that I gave to you. <3

The Month of July

Three weeks of semester break is coming to an end soon. Spent the first week itself doing nothing but hanging out with the awesome peeps while for the second and third week, I've been pretty much occupied by the new job. I love working in Discovery House indeed. It was so much fun, so much to learn and its all about the positive energy. =]

Each day, I woke up with the mindset of wanting to learn more in DH and somehow, apart of me feels a little sad, knowing the fact that I got to concentrate more on my studies again once the new semester starts on Monday. I'll not be able to be in DH everyday, depending on the timetable for the subjects that I'll be taking for this new semester. So far, I'm pretty satisfied with the subjects and the timetable that I've chosen. However, I'll still need to finalize them with my awesome peeps to see if the subjects are agreeable to be taken together so that we will be able to work together in a group for the assignments given. =]

As for now, I'll still be committed to DH. Learning is just so much fun, especially when you're working together with a bunch of fun loving peeps. =] Eventhough I got to travel far daily, yet its still so worth it.

Anyway, classes will be commencing on Monday and the love will be away for a week. Hopefully, I'll be so occupied with the first week of classes and the catching up with the awesome peeps, so that the time flies in just a blink of an eye. This way, I won't realized that he's away for a week.

Also, I would want to request for souvenirs too. Haha! =p

And luckily enough, the love will be able to make it for my big day. =D

Its going to be an awesome month for sure! =]

Just Embrace It

Okie, I choked. I got cold feet. I admit that. Very often, I just ignore and tend to shake it off my mind just like that, while concentrating on everything else. Now I do believe how things can just haunt you at times. Also, I do realized how big impact it creates with the haunting. I never like pointing fingers. I never like to live with anger too. But sometimes, there are just things that you can't forget or you just can't wish that things will disappear from the memory. The more you fight it, the worse things could be. Perhaps, that pretty much explains the existence of fear in me. I guess most of the time, I've been concentrating on ensuring things will never end up with the same results again. I've focused too much on my fear and it never came into my mind to learn how to embrace it instead. I hold things so tightly and calculated every steps taken, leaving myself with no space to breathe and no room for any error. In the end, I just suffocate, dragging everything else around me.

Someone once told me, 'Your feelings are so screwed up because of what you've been through in life, and you just got lost and out of track. How much I wish that all these had never occur to you'.

I used to think that whatever said was right. I tend to think myself in that way too. I'm just comfortable believing in the victim story like most would be. I gave myself an excuse and then I just start living with worries everyday. Every single time, I think of all the possible consequences. Not the positive ones, but thinking of the possibilities of things that could go wrong. I just lost my trust.

However, last night just got me pondered on everything that I'm going through at this moment of my life. Even though I do voice out my feelings at times, I just never wanted to make known of my expectations and just hope that it can be met. And when it doesn't, I just suck it in and continue hoping till I got so tired of it. Hence, I realized its just me, myself who got myself exhausted. Its true that I may lost my way somewhere in the middle, but it is crucial to get right back on track once I knew it.

And now that I realized it, I'm ready to just accept the past and let things happen eventually as long as I commit and do the best I can for my side. I will never want to expect anything more in return. I shall trust unconditionally and open up myself once again. Also, to embrace whatever that may come for me from then. I don't deny that results are important, but what matters most is how you're doing it to achieve the desired results. It can be many ways, but I would want to be able to look back one day and glad that I had a wonderful happy journey without any regrets.

Just be authentic and accept whatever that may comes. =]

Awesome Weekend

I know I've mentioned bout my perspective of clubbing in my previous post before this. And yes, I did go clubbing with the bunch of crazy awesome peeps on Friday night. As usual, Friday is a playday. Quoted by Uncle Do. Haha. If it wasn't for these awesome people, I would never have agreed to be there at all. I did enjoyed myself on the dance floor with them and made all those moves with the girls. Mind me, I said girls. =p

But clubbing is a very exhausting activity indeed. Just less than half an hour, I felt like collapsing already. Looking on the brighter side, like Do said, it tones up the abs. =p However, I don't think I will be doing this in the near future. Probably the next blue moon. Had the experience and fun with the peeps and that's enough for now. =p

So, I've pretty much spent an awesome weekend. Friday night with the awesome peeps. Saturday night out with mom and dad to my uncles and aunties' new Overtime in Manjalara. Then, spending whole Sunday afternoon making cards and dinner with dad at night. Also, meeting the love too. =]

Anyway, there won't be any more trip for me during this semester break as I'll be working starting from Monday, which means tomorrow. And I've decided to gain new experiences by working with the kids this time. I did help out my friend in his kids training previously, and this time, its going to be long term. Hopefully I'll be able to learn up lots of skills on kids handling too. Really can't wait for it. =]

At the same time, I can't wait for Tuesday to arrive too. Been cracking my head to get things done. And yes, I've even attempted something new that may come handy in the future too. Hopefully, things will turn out great. =D

Whatever

Truth has finally revealed. I know things would turn out exactly like how it is now. I did prepare myself to embrace whatever that may come. I've figured out every possibility of how things could ended up like. I never wanted to involve anyone else but only myself. Often, I wanted to just say things out loud, but I just tend to care too much of the consequences and the emotions that I need to go through. Many times, I just suck it up, and hold back from blabbering everything out. I know clearly that I don't want to be emotionally pressured. I just want to be in the stress-free state.

I do know that many would be thinking and deciding who should be listed as at fault. Or worse still, deciding who should be blamed. But let me clarify this, no matter how awesome someone else is treating me, I wouldn't even have a single thought of it if I'm so happy with the state I was in at that time. Things wouldn't be like now if responsibilities are taken seriously. No matter what, I believe I owe myself happiness. I owe myself a chance to be treated better. I shall stop concerning bout how everyone else feels but myself. At the end of the day, I do realized that nobody can stop this nightmare but myself. No point thinking of everything else when all they think about are themselves too.

Things happened after everything was cleared up and had a long thought about the consequences that may happened. Nobody owes any explanations in this case. Nobody was in the picture when my decision was made anyway. A good man who showed me the importance of my existence in his life, there's nothing else that I would want to ask for more. Its just so that its not someone unknown and everyone starts to create havoc out of it. Between someone who's been treating you like crap and anyone at all who is treating you awesome, you can do the maths.

I'm tired of being treated as just a 'company'. The feelings I had was ignored. The need I had was ignored. Excuses given when promises were broken. Those are just crap to me. These things wouldn't even have happened at the first place if I was so important at all. So many chances wouldn't be wasted too. Enough is enough. Sometimes, just stop, think about yourself before you start judging others. Also, for anyone at all, know both sides of the story before judging too.

From now on, I'm just going to treasure things that are worth of my concern. Its just too late for any changes that were supposed to be made at the first time, second time and the umpteenth time.

Feelings

Its been so long ever since the last time I felt the way I am feeling now. I can't believe that there are a few people in my life that are telling me almost the same thing, at the same time. Statements made that really touch my heart. And I can't believe that there are people who has been keeping his feelings to himself for more than a year. Of course, it never come across my mind that he had that feeling. Its just so sudden to know it now.

Its funny that all these years I've been only putting all my hopes, thoughts, concern and whatsoever on a single thing, which actually brought me sadness most of the time. Yes, there are indeed happy moments, that's for sure. But, unfortunately, the bad ones kinda over-weigh the good ones. Certainty just strikes this time, when I knew I took a really long period of time to think things through, including the outcome and the future. I know I'm ready to face any consequences and embrace the changes that are about to come.

And I know I won't be alone.

The words are heard and I know its true.

Start of Something New

The finals exam is over! Which means, the semester has ended. Time really really flies. Nevertheless, it has been one awesome semester in my second year. Knowing a bunch of awesome but yet crazy friends had really lighten up my life recently, especially during the moments of stress. We know how to have fun, but at the same time, knowing when to burn the midnight oil when its necessary, usually after we had fun. Haha!

And now, I'll be having a three weeks break, till the new semester commence again in July. Not sure if I'll be able to find a suitable job for this short period of time, but will just look out for it. But the main concern is that there might be a road trip next week. And when there's road trip, there's no work. Somehow, I couldn't be bothered much. Holiday is a holiday, right Felicia and Uncle Do? =p

Well, I'm really glad that everything is so settled now. No doubts, no disappointments, no nothing. Just happy moments, and hopefully more to come starting from today. And I will for sure hold on tight to what I have now. =]

As for tonight, its going to be a whale of time! Soiree at the awesome Pinny's crib, just for us the crazy bunch with awesome shabu shabu, liquors and games. =p

Praying hard

Yesterday was the first time ever I've reached the most extreme level of stressness over my studies. I am always stressful during the finals but this time, it was really really bad. I was panicking over CB, knowing the fact that it took me hours to finish one case study when I attempted to write it as a practice. In the exam, I gotta write 1 freaking long case study with 3 long essays which requires at least 2 booklets of answers. So I stayed up, studying with Do and Felicia till 3 in the morning. And by the time I got home, I felt so much relieved that I managed to cover most of the revision for the paper the next day, which is today.

However, things didn't get any better as in the exam, I actually didn't manage to finish answering all the questions. I did not complete my case study, just halfway done and out of 3 long essays, I only did 2. Which left me praying to get at least a pass for this subject, no other choice. Again, I was devastated knowing the fact that I only have a 50-50 chance of passing. Sigh. It really sucks.

For now, I can just focus on the other 3 subjects that I will be sitting for on Friday and the following week.

Also, there's this thing that I just couldn't take it anymore. I know things have always ended up the same way. Countless of same experience. And I've always think about other matters that I've established along the way. Hesitated to start all over again. But now, I know very clearly that I would just forget bout it and start from the bottom again, rather than having to experience the same routine or cycle for the rest of my life. I don't want to waste any more time and effort on things that will never change.

With that said, I was actually really surprised when there's someone who understand exactly what I was feeling and manage to speak out what was the reason behind all that. And yea, I really starting to feel that this person can really reads my mind or is able to see through me.

And with what I have and experiencing now, I just don't want to mess it up even when most of the time I actually felt the uncertainty.

Kids Made My Day

I will be sitting for my first paper in less than 2 days. And here I am, blogging instead of trying to practice my crapping skills as much as possible like others do. =p

To be honest, this paper will be the first crapping paper I've ever had. As in really crapping with very limited time given. Expected craps of 3 to 4 booklets maybe. I'm not sure if I can really do it, but I will just have to do it. No other choice given. With all the stories told by friends who have taken the subject before, there's no time for stopping or thinking of what to crap. And when the time is up, you'll never get to feel your hands and fingers anymore. Its all numbed. Sigh, now this makes me sick.

Perhaps, I shall force myself to practice the whole day tomorrow, after the kids thingy. I've actually promised a friend to help him out in his kids activities in Mayter. What's my job? Not babysitting okie. Its more like making friends with the kids, guiding them and joining them for the activities. It is indeed fun, but tiring too. I have 11 kids in my group, and when each of them calling out for your attention, you'll go 'huh' , 'what', 'yes', 'no', 'okie', 'wait' and whatsoever. =p

But still, I love being around these kids. They are just so adorable and active and so into everything. They bring positive vibe and energy around them all the time. Most of all, they made me happy when I see them smile too. =]

I don't feel lame doing whatever the kids are doing. I don't feel lame dancing to the chicken song and wriggling around with them. Kids don't care about whatsoever image you have. They couldn't care less if you are cool or un-cool to them. They just want a friend who'll listen to them and acknowledge whatever they did and have fun at the same time. =]

And now, I can't wait to see those lovely little ones tomorrow morning. =D

Of course, once I'm done in the afternoon, I'll do my crapping practice the whole day. =p

Fullstop

Finals is just a week away. And I have allowed myself to be at the lowest mood I could possibly be today. Only just for a day. I realized that I might have been avoiding most of the things that might hit me hard in the near future. The reason why, I just want to stay away from adding any more stress-ness to my life for the time being. I can already foresee what's coming anyway.

Most of the time, I'm just tired being the one who pleases others. Also, being the one who swallows all the disappointment without a word said. And now, I just couldn't be bothered anymore. I've recalled mentioning that one of these days, things will reach a state where I don't even feel a thing no more. Who to be blamed now? No one, cause it just doesn't matter anymore.

And this time, its nothing to do with anything else but just myself and what I really wanted in life. I don't think I can keep up with what I'm doing now for another round of years I had. Although everyone knows of my biggest weakness, but I just got to focus on the future.

The fullstop got to be there and everything needs to come clean. Perhaps, once I'm done with the finals.

For the time being, I'm happy with what I had recently. Being around with a bunch of awesome people did make most of my days. =]

Most of all, I really appreciate the effort and enjoyed the journey of all sands, thunders and lightnings. =]

Word of the day: I'm dying already

I've seriously repeated this phrase for gazillion times ever since yesterday till this evening. The assignment literally killed me, again and again. It was so much to be done and everything was going haywire at the last minute. The stress of editing the work repetitively, the compilation, grammar correction and so much more. Of course, I was panicking over the whole assignment throughout these two days. Uncle Do knows it, with all his 'chill lar' towards me. =p *Thanks uncle, for accompanying me with all my messed up printing and whatsoever today =] *

But I'm really really glad that someone actually saved me from the misery of drowning in the pool of stress-ness. It felt so good to be able to take a break from the chaos and just relax for an hour or two. Okie, initially was supposed to be only bout at most, two to three hours. But, without realising, it actually summed up to almost 8 hours. Its been quite some time eversince the last time I had deep conversations for hours, sharing all the feelings I've had inside of me. Although some are of sadness, but there are also some which brought me smile and laughter. =]

And I'm really glad and appreciate the ears lent throughout the night. *Even if the ears may come with high fee charges =p * Although I practically felt like a real panda or zombie during the lecture today, it was definitely worth every second of my sleep that I have sacrificed. =]

Also, I really wanted to attend the morning class, but after the persuasion and the insist, I gave in and decided that I shall just forget bout it. The bed was indeed tempting enough. =p

But whatever it is, I had a great time and I have yet to collect my debt of 60 cents which has now accumulated to a total of RM1.10. =p

Mummy Love

I know most of you will be wondering why am I blogging instead of concentrating mainly on my assignment-typing instead. Knowing that I've been complaining bout assignments stressing and all most of the time. =p But blogging is a way to express my feelings, and at the same time I can take the stress out of my mind for a moment.

Owh well, sometimes I just felt like I'm lucky enough to have such a wonderful mom. And no, I'm not saying this in conjunction of mother's day which was few days ago. I just love the fact that I can share everything bout my life with her. She's just like a great friend who knows the right kind of advice to give whenever I felt lost or uncertain on something. I also enjoy listening to her stories of life when she was back in my age. Sometimes, I felt like she was so much alike me when she was young. Or perhaps, I should say the other way round which I am so much alike her when she was young. Haha. Well, like mother, like daughter I guess. =p

Most of the time, she just know what is bothering me without having me to tell her what really happened. She knows what confuses me, what makes me happy, what makes me sad and what I really wanted. Even so, she often gives me enough room to make my own decision despite giving me her piece of advices. Sometimes, I just have the feeling like she's guiding me to the right path in life based on her own experience in life. Its like she may wants to ensure that I will not make any mistakes that she might had made when she was at my age. So that I will not have to go through any heartache or sadness like she did before. =]

Of course, sometimes, a mom will still be a mom. With all the nagging on small little things, like not having my meals everytime or sleeping late every night. =p

But no matter what, I still love her, very much. =]

Also, I felt so much joy lately. Sometimes, its just some simple things that puts a smile on your face. <3

Club. Yes no?

The other day, a friend of mine suggested to hit the club one of these days. She said, clubbing is awesome as you can dance and have a great time. But well, I might have a different thinking on that. The reason why I never really club is because I don't really like loud places. Especially when its crowded too. Drinking is fine, but I would prefer to be drinking in a nice quiet lounge or pub instead of a club, where you can really have a decent comfortable conversation with your friends instead of having to shout your lungs out to get your conversation going.

Another reason is that, I did experience like few times and there are just some guys who will be desperate enough to get near you. Especially on the dance floor where their hands or whatever it is that will be trying hard enough to be on your waist. And please don't tell me its networking, coz it is clearly not. Plus, I don't think it feels great to have someone's arms over me when I don't even know him well. You may think it helps gaining popularity, but that's for sure not the kind of attraction that I would want to have.

But, I don't really mind at all if I were to be going with friends who I know well. Provided, we will only stick to each other on the dance floor and not any other strangers. =p Also, not doing it often. Once in a while will be just fine. =]

Anyway, I have still yet to get to Shah Alam for the cycling plan for weeks. Its either the weather problem or there's something that came up at the last minute. Owh well, there's so many things that I wanted to do but the final exam is just around the corner, which starts on June 1st. And assignments to be submitted in these two weeks too. Going to be a very busy month for me. Stressful as well. And once everything's done, I can then focus on my job for a month or two. =]

Even so, I will still be hanging out with the awesome ppl around me. Taking it as a way to release stress. At least, something that I can look forward to all the time. =p

And seriously, I need to meet up with darling Yun soon. Lotsa catching up to do. *Please date me asap, darl. =p *

Relationship

Have you listened to For The First Time by The Script? I'm totally hooked on to it now. Beautiful lyrics with awesome voice. No doubt bout it. =] Its currently at the top of my playlist. Funny thing is, I often link music to my feelings. I listen to music which can really relate to how I feel most of the time. Perhaps, it kinda express how I feel without having the need to turn them into words to be told to anyone. Sometimes, the power of the music can get you smiling or even crying. Pretty much depending on how you are feeling at that moment.

Also, I've watched this short film by the WongFu Production. Probably you have already watched it, as everyone is already talking and sharing bout this film called 'Strangers, Again'. Nothing much to be commented as it was so well explained on the stages of most relationships. Note, I mentioned most, instead of all. Reason why is because I've known some relationships that last for a very long time even till now, without reaching the Stage 6: Downhill. Envy much?Yea, maybe. But, like what was told, its better to be thankful to have such a wonderful memory and move on instead.

And watching this film reminds me of the reason why there are times that it creeps me out to be getting close to someone else in life. Its not necessarily for two individuals to start off as strangers and go through all the 7 stages mentioned and back to becoming strangers again. It can happened by just going through 2 stages or 3 stages and when it no longer work out anymore, both will just turned into strangers again naturally. Even some claimed to be still friends, but deep down, they know things are never the same way again. The awkward moment, the words that never come out, the eyes that can't stop looking away and just find a way to part their ways. You know I'm right.

There are even possibilities that two individuals might be stuck in the Stage 6 for a long period of time. The reason being, they might have envisioned the future together and they just can't accept the fact that things are not going as how it was planned anymore. Or, they just couldn't take the risk and go according to what they really feel deep inside without thinking of the fears of uncertainty that they may encounter in the future. Often, questions like 'What am I gonna do all by myself?' or 'How am I gonna survive this alone?' will pop out in their minds. Next thing you know, with all the questions unanswered, they'll be start thinking, 'Do I really want things to be like this?'. What happens next is that, you might just wanna ignore all these questions and just let them pass by in time, hoping that everything will be okie again. Hence, the on-going of Stage 6 for a long period of time till they either managed to fix what is not working between them or proceed to the 7th Stage instead.

However, what's important is to know that, whatever happens, its not the end of the world, just like what it was mentioned in the film. Things might get awkward, uncomfortable, uncertain but sooner or later, it will get way past behind and we'll managed to start all over again. Perhaps, the next time, everything will just work out perfectly like you can never imagine before. =]

On the other hand, what I think is the key to a blissful relationship is to stand by each other no matter if its during the good or bad times. Of course, with the presence of trust, tolerance and commitment. Just like the song from For The First Time where it goes: These times are hard, and its driving us crazy, don't give up on me baby.

So, will you?

Is it the right choice to pack up and leave when there's a mess? Think about it.

And I do hope that everyone will find their way to a blissful relationship. <3

Love,

- RyLLz -

End of holiday

One week of holiday has ended in just a blink of an eye. It started off great, but half way, I was down with gastric pain. And seriously, the pain, unbearable. Can you imagine, I was sleeping and suddenly I was awake with this tremendous pain in my abdominal part. I got no idea what was the reason and I kept rolling over my bed, hoping that the pain will just subside. But, it just got worse till I can't take it anymore. I just call up the bf who was fortunately, just started making a move out from his house heading to work. He came over, drove me to Gleneagles and I swear, the pain was sooooooo bad that I had difficulty walking to the emergency area from the parking.

And when the doctor examined me, I got freaked out by him asking if I've done any scanning before. Especially the one where the doctor will insert a micro camera into my stomach through the mouth and all the way down. Scary indeed! When he asked me if I wanted to do a scanning, without a doubt, we said no and opt for the pills instead. However, we promised to go back for the scanning if the pain still persists after 2 days.

The pills worked. The pain subsided immediately. But sometimes, the pain comes back for a short while. Now that the medicines are finished, I just hope that the pain will never come back. If it does, I will really need to get back to the hospital for a scan. So far, I'm good. *Fingers crossed* Gotta thank the bf for being there for me. =]

And, the much anticipated cycling trip in Taman Pertanian was cancelled due to the rain. =[ Totally upset over it. Most of the days, it wasn't raining in the morning, but that specific Saturday it rained. Sigh. Plan postponed to the coming Saturday and of course, I do hope it won't be raining again. Though it rained, I did enjoy myself spending a simple day out that day. Also, attended 2 birthday dinners on the same night. Had a great time, laughing with the bf's family and also had an awesome chit chatting session with my uncles and aunties during my lovely cousin's 21st birthday.

I sure do hope that she'll like the silver necklace that Yun, the bf and I bought for her. =] Took me lots of effort looking for it though. =p Speaking of 21st birthday, mine will be coming up in another 3 months. Exactly 3 months time. =D I should really start planning for my party before its too late. Still gotta determine on the venue. Hopefully it will be one awesome party.

At the mean time, I gotta start getting busy with my assignments to be completed asap. As well as, preparing for the final exam. Gotta do revision from time to time. 6 weeks is a very short period of time for finals preparation. Once this semester is done, its really time for a trip. =D

Just gotta hang on for now. =]

Love,

-RyLLz -

Doo-Wop & The Hooligans Experience

Bruno Mars is the one of the most awesome singer I've known in my life. The concert, totally worth the money. His voice melts everyone's heart. And yes, we know he will indeed catch a grenade for us. At the same time, we also know that he thinks we are amazing just the way we are. Haha!

Although there's no acoustic version done, everything he sang was awesome. He even did cover on Billie Jean and I Want You Back by the late Michael Jackson. Now, don't you think that's awesome? =p

Well, he started off with The Other Side and ended with Just The Way You Are. Then an encore on a song which I don't know of. =p Although the entire concert was short, but it was worth it. He never pauses even for a second. I just had a whale of time listening and watching him live on stage.

The only drawback was the camera issue. I just don't understand the security who forbid me from bringing in my camera. He said the concert is strict, can't bring in any DSLR. But hello, mine was Semipro. And he still insisted that I can't bring in. I was really upset till I saw some others who brought in Semipro too. That moment, I was even more pissed. Sigh. Lousy security. Wasted my effort bringing my camera, plus the opportunity to snap pictures of Bruno. But like what a friend of mine said, what matters is the live performance that we get to watch. =]

With all the screaming and grooving and jumping, I was exhausted with no voice left when the concert ended. It was embarrassing, but I couldn't be bothered. =p Its just all worth it.

Owh, Rain's concert was on the same night too. Just can't stop bullying my friend who attended it, knowing the fact that he got no interest in Rain and got so jealous over me going to Bruno's instead. =p Between, no news bout Rain's concert at all. But, even if there is, I have no interest. =p

Well, I know Maroon 5's concert is coming up. Have a blast to those who will be attending. =]

Great Weekend Ahead

I can't imagine spending only two days to finish one assignment for the whole week. Two days is seriously way to rushing for me, that I don't even have enough time to sleep and eat. Which resulted me in skipping meals all the time. Sigh. Bad for my stomach that I almost get gastric pain again. But now, I'm so glad that all the assignments are done. All four assignments are done and I no longer have to bare with all the sleepless nights with classes to attend during the day.

Also, I really appreciate someone who had been accompanying me when I was doing my assignment before this. Although, I know I kinda bored him off but yet he still insists that he's not. =] * Thanks. You know its you who I'm talking about. =] *

Anyway, did I mention that I'll not be having midterm exam and it will be a week of holiday for me? =D I can't wait to catch up with my darlings and do things that I love doing this coming week. Its gonna start with a lovely weekend where I'll be having badminton in the morning tomorrow. Then, probably some shopping and gift hunting for my beloved cousin who I love a lot. =]

And, I can't wait till Sunday comes! Bruno Mars' concert. Awesomee!!!! =p Now, some crazy people are selling one ticket for RM500. Its just like daylight robbery. Madness. I feel so glad that I managed to buy the tickets one day before they were sold out. =]

Owh well, actually, my awesome holiday had started tonight when I met up with my lovely Yun, Amerz and Gary. Its been so long since the last time I saw me love. =p She's awesome! *hugs & kisses*

P.s: Today, when I met you, I knew I've moved on. I'm over it. =]

Assignments

Finally, I'm done with the two assignments this week. Torturing indeed. And there's another two more to be submitted in the upcoming week. Which means, I will definitely not be having enough sleep again. But, I will survive. As always. =]

Anyway, experiences had taught me well. I'm so getting used to being independent now. Never need to rely on anyone else is awesome. But whats more awesome is that I wouldn't have to bother about whether promises are kept or not anymore. Moreover, I have great friends who will listen to me whenever I have something to rant about. =p I can just manage things by myself. Yes, there are times when I got so tired and fed up, I just felt like crying for a moment. But, I'm always back on track after a while. =]

Also, there's this thing that I learnt. It says, enough when you had done all you could. When there isn't any appreciation for the things that were done, no point trying harder. Perhaps, when you stop and look at the other side, you'll find someone who'd do the same thing for you. Its just that you might be too blinded to realize that until you stop focusing on whatever you are doing now.

Well, I can't wait to have my getaway once the assignments are done after this upcoming week. There are friends of mine who will be sitting for the midterm exam and I do hope they'll do great. =]

Love,

-RyLLz-

Just A Rant

I finally come to the conclusion that, I gotta stop trying. I mean, I gotta stop thinking that there might be a possibility that things are not how it appears to be now. Sometimes, I just hate the feeling of contradiction that I have within myself. When I had made my stand, I will still have the tendency of thinking that some things will be different if I do something differently. Which in short, hoping that the results will be better. However, what I realized was things will always remain the same, no matter what I did.

All I can say is, my intention is simple. In fact, its pretty clear and straightforward. Both words and actions used. When it comes to something or someone that matters to me, I could do anything. But, I dislike being taken for granted, thats for sure. And I do want at least some respect too. I can be easygoing but never gets over the border. That's when I'll start to take a step back and my guards will be up.

Perhaps, conveying my message through actions is a very bad idea at the first place. And now, I know someone might be saying 'I told you so'. =p

Whatever it is, I think I can finally confirm on the outcome and helps me to come up with a firm decision too. =] I gotta let go before things get deeper. Also, I've been through the exact same thing before and I wouldn't wanna experience this again.

Owh, anyway, I am still surviving everyday with the amount of assignments to be completed. And I know I'm not alone. =p


Love,
-RyLLz-

Actions or words

There's always a certain period of time where I will always listen to the songs from a particular singer till I get so bored of it. And since last week, I've been indulging myself with the songs from Kylie Minogue. Its not only the latest songs from the album, Aphrodite, but also the ones from previous albums. I just got hooked up all of a sudden. So, if you so happened to be in my car, you will be listening to them all the way to your destination. =p

Seriously, her songs makes me groove. In another words, its a good way to feel awesome after a hectic day or when something is bothering my mind. Plus, it kinda feels like a confidence booster too. =]

Anyway, its the fifth week of college now and the assignments are kinda overloading. Not to mention, at least 3 assignments in each subject, which sums up to roughly about 12 assignments in total. The bright side is that, I do not have a midterm unlike most of my dear friends. There's pros and cons to that, pros is that I don't have to study and burn my midnight oil to prepare for the exam, while the cons is that, I will have to really frigging burn my midnight oil during my finals. Stuffing everything into my mind which I have learnt from the first week till the very last week.

But, I love marketing. I love it that I do not have to mainly memorize on the theories and definitions or formats and whatsoever. All I need to do is just to attend the lectures, understand the topic and apply it in the answers for a situational question. It may be tough for the very first time, but once I managed to hold the grasps of it. Its not as hard as it seems anymore. No doubt, there's a lot of writing needed which may eventually ended up with a sore hand once its done. But still, I enjoy it. The thing is, doing something that you like will make the hardship unnoticed. =]

What about wanting to do something that you like, but there's just something stopping you? Like what I did, consider the worthiness of it. If its not worth doing after all, just stop and move on to something else. Better things are yet to be discovered. =]

No doubt, there's still a little bit of ups and downs, which is really normal in everyone's life. A little bit of confusion here and there too, but it doesn't really matter anymore.

Recently, there has been a lot of informations that I gained on something that was once matters to me. Coincidence? I don't know. But, knowing what I know now doesn't really mean much to me anymore. Plus, I don't usually judge someone by just merely listening to one side of the story too.

One thing I learnt. Sometimes, its not really much of what is said, its the actions that reveal what it really is.

I must say, I'm really flattered with things that I was told of the other day. And I'm also glad knowing someone who I can really share my thoughts with. =]



Love,
-RyLLz-

Being True

I'm indeed relieved that most of the things are kinda settled down for now. Felt so stress dealing with so many things which were turning sour at the same time. Not to mention, the huge weight that I managed to lift up from my shoulder too.

See, the things is, when few things popped up at the same time, all we need to do is just to calm down and start planning on what steps needed to be taken to solve them one at a time. There's nothing that can't be solved. There's just decision that we know we are supposed to make but yet, we are reluctant to make it. Probably we felt that things are so right when its actually so wrong. Hence, we tend to neglect everything else.

Are we supposed to live like we are dying? Or shall we make decisions by thinking of the consequences of an action? Both of these are indeed contradicting but still, it goes back to the word - 'choice'.

Somehow, I will never let myself get beaten down for long. Couldn't stand the negativity that makes life miserable. Its normal to give a good cry at a point where we felt lost. But once its all out, its time to just move on and let the past be memories. Never hold grudges to anything nor anyone.

Another thing which I've learned from a friend of mine recently is that, there's really no need for justification of who you really are. Anyone has the rights to talk about anything to whoever at all. And yes, its human nature that people do tend to act as the victim in a situation, especially when they are telling it to a friend. The blame is always on the other side. But instead of clarifying ourselves after being accused, the best thing was just to let it go and stay true to ourselves. Standing firm and being who we really are. Eventually, people will notice and find out what is the real deal. ( I really do admire my friend on that. =] )

At the same time, I believe that there is always faults in both sides instead of one in every situation. Its just that we are too arrogant to admit our own faults most of the time, thinking that it would be much easier to just point the finger at others and no questions will be asked. Everyone will be on our side then. Somehow, there's a wise man who taught me to take up the responsible version of some situations where I had been through, admitting that it was part of my fault whenever I share it with a friend. And seriously, nothing feels much better than that. Also, it portrays the level of our maturity too. Things will just gets easier and better. Trust me and just do it. You will feel the difference.

One of the keys to happiness, just like how the saying goes,

When life gives you lemon, make a lemonade out of it.

Or






Love,
-RyLLz-

Trust

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy. -Walter Anderson-




- plays an important role in my life. Selfish decision made is just another implication of not potraying honesty and not being transparent. Its worst when I took the risk and had actually opened up myself completely at the first place.

But, I never did regret on taking the risk and open up myself everyday in my life. I do believe that in order for someone to take a risk and open up his or herself to me, it needs to be started from me. I tend to place myself in one's shoe before I made any decision. I know, I will never want to be kept in the dark, no matter what happens. I know I will never want to be in a situation where I felt clueless and helpless. I know I will never want to be in a place where I don't know if I made any mistakes. I know I will never want to be in a guessing game. I will never want to hide the truth just to make someone feel better.

However, things will not always go according to how we want it to be. We cant force anyone to do anything according to our way. Not everyone will be on the same page or have the same stand in certain things. Afterall, it is all about giving and taking, compromising.

These things are all crucial in a relationship. Be it friends or lovers. When it involves two person, decisions should always be made with each other's consent. Selfish decision made will tend to hurt the other individual. Hence, lost in trust.


Well, anyway, its been a great time. I enjoyed and appreciate the companion. I wish I could really know more, but its a choice made. And I will respect that. Afterall, I know I had a piece of lovely memory in me.



Love,
-RyLLz-

A New Chapter of 2011

Honestly, I have no idea if I can keep up with this blog after this post. Time to time, I've told myself to continue writing but I just tend to be really lazy. The only time I'm free, I prefer to be sleeping or watching tv or hanging out with my friends instead. I remember there was a period of time that I was so into the whole blogging thing and even posted all the photos I had captured almost everyday. What happened to that now?

I'm not sure if I'm starting to feel that blogging might just be another waste of time, spending hours and hours, perfecting a post and then forgetting what it is all about as time goes by. Or, I just feel like nothing much is interesting to blog about, as my life is kinda like a routine. Or, I might even feel that blogging is something that I started many years ago coz I wasn't really allowed to go out from the house as I was still young. Therefore, I couldnt really hang out with my friends to share my thoughts or feelings back then which resulted to blogging.

And then it came into my senses that, even blogging needs an objective. Its just like every other thing we do, there must be a reason behind every actions taken. As I noticed, a friend of mine uses her blog to write down things that she learns everyday. Its sort of like a notebook for her to jot down all the important points, so that she can revise it anytime she likes. As for another friend of mine, she uses her blog to express her feelings. From happy to sad, frustration to excitement. Anything that she could expressed which I believe, do make her feel better. It can be anything. A travel journal, a private online diary, a place to share ideas and whole lot more.

As for me, I think I need to figure out what I can do best with this blog of mine. Perhaps, I can write whatever I have learned in my life on a daily basis or weekly basis.

Therefore, for today, its important to have an objective in whatever we do in order to keep us going. You wouldnt wanna be thriving on a vague objective too. =]






Love,
-RyLLz-