Couldn't believe that it has been close to seven months since the last post I published here. Its such a norm to me that the urge to blog will only exist when I am in a negative state of mind. Not sure if this applies to most people or perhaps its just me alone. So what actually happened during my disappearance in this blog? I don't think I would know the right place to begin my blabbing with. So much happened. So much to remember. So much forgotten. Sometimes, I just don't know what is right anymore. I don't get how things can be so perfect at one second, and then goes totally the opposite way the next. I don't even understand my own feelings anymore. I don't know what I really desire. I don't know what I expect. Its like in a total mess. At times, I felt annoyed by how things keep playing in my mind. The only thing I could conclude from all these is that I finally had enough of everything. I have reached the state where I don't want to get any involvement in anything. I got myself so filled up with fairy tale hopes, only to find it is all just fantasies. Illusions of happiness that I will keep myself away from.

But one thing I know for sure, I want everything to stop here and then. Putting a fullstop to where I am right now and finding the courage to move on. Leaving everything behind and close the chapters that were once so significant to me. I couldn't be wasting any more of my precious time. Once in a while, I got to remind myself on life's unpredictability. One day I'm here, the other I might just be gone. I just need to stop, take a look at where I am now, and start walking again when I've set my course clear. Be sure of what I really what, and from then only will I be able to start over again. I remember I read this thing from somewhere, where it goes something like this:

'Yes, the grass may always seems greener on the other side. But only if you spend some time to water your own grass, it will appear to be as green too.'

Which I find quite amusing and of course, very true at the same time.

But well, even after everything, I can still find myself some strength to walk out from this mess and work towards what I have always wanted to achieve.

In just another 5 more months baby, 5 more months. =]