Just Embrace It

Okie, I choked. I got cold feet. I admit that. Very often, I just ignore and tend to shake it off my mind just like that, while concentrating on everything else. Now I do believe how things can just haunt you at times. Also, I do realized how big impact it creates with the haunting. I never like pointing fingers. I never like to live with anger too. But sometimes, there are just things that you can't forget or you just can't wish that things will disappear from the memory. The more you fight it, the worse things could be. Perhaps, that pretty much explains the existence of fear in me. I guess most of the time, I've been concentrating on ensuring things will never end up with the same results again. I've focused too much on my fear and it never came into my mind to learn how to embrace it instead. I hold things so tightly and calculated every steps taken, leaving myself with no space to breathe and no room for any error. In the end, I just suffocate, dragging everything else around me.

Someone once told me, 'Your feelings are so screwed up because of what you've been through in life, and you just got lost and out of track. How much I wish that all these had never occur to you'.

I used to think that whatever said was right. I tend to think myself in that way too. I'm just comfortable believing in the victim story like most would be. I gave myself an excuse and then I just start living with worries everyday. Every single time, I think of all the possible consequences. Not the positive ones, but thinking of the possibilities of things that could go wrong. I just lost my trust.

However, last night just got me pondered on everything that I'm going through at this moment of my life. Even though I do voice out my feelings at times, I just never wanted to make known of my expectations and just hope that it can be met. And when it doesn't, I just suck it in and continue hoping till I got so tired of it. Hence, I realized its just me, myself who got myself exhausted. Its true that I may lost my way somewhere in the middle, but it is crucial to get right back on track once I knew it.

And now that I realized it, I'm ready to just accept the past and let things happen eventually as long as I commit and do the best I can for my side. I will never want to expect anything more in return. I shall trust unconditionally and open up myself once again. Also, to embrace whatever that may come for me from then. I don't deny that results are important, but what matters most is how you're doing it to achieve the desired results. It can be many ways, but I would want to be able to look back one day and glad that I had a wonderful happy journey without any regrets.

Just be authentic and accept whatever that may comes. =]